Being a author is more than writing

Recently, I was in a local bookstore chatting with the bookstore owner. She was complaining about a man who had come into the store announcing that he was the author of a book,  and he wanted her to promote and sell his books.  The bookstore owner was flabberghasted by the nerve of the writer who seemed to have no idea what his responsibilities were as an author. 

This morning while reading one of the writer's blogs I subscribe to, I read a thread labeled, "Do I need to write a press release?"  Made me wonder if any of the writers who regularly post on some of the blogs for writers, ever do their homework?  There's more to being a writer or an author than writing. 

Writing is a passion, a craft, an art, and an accomplished skill.  While we may seem to be 'born to write', all truly accomplished writers have learned the skills and rules of their craft. Excellent writers hone their skills, edit, write and rewrite, and really good writers learn to select good editors. 

Good writers read. Reading good literature helps a writer understand how to use language. Reading allows us to expand our knowledge, awareness, and reading exposes us to a wide range of good and bad writing, if we allow it to. At the end of the day, reading is my companion, and I am inspired by those who delve deeply into other writers for inspiration, understanding, or the sheer joy of immersing themselves in that writer's body of work. One good friend of mine is reading the complete works of Marcel Proust. Another reads and rereads the works of Jane Austen on a regular basis.  I reread Man's Search for Meaning and Gifts from the Sea regularly, but Shakespeare and  poets including Henry Vaughn, W.B.Yeats, William Blake, and contemporary women poets including Mary Oliver, Alice Walker, Wislawa Szymborska , Louise Erdrich, and Annie Dillard call me. 

Poetry, mystery, history, psychology, spirituality and religion, even politics and geography call me to dig deep and read. Learning, ongoing learning is another aspect of becoming a good writer. We begin writing from that which we know, but our writing is enriched by what we add to the basic outline or inspiration of our work. As Louise Erdrich said flippantly or not in an interview when asked by the New York Times reporter, "What advice would you give to other writers", she responded, "Take notes."  I carry small notebooks, large notebooks, spiral notebooks and bound notebooks, with me wherever I go.  A small spiral tablet in the pocket of my jeans or a stack of index cards in my jacket pocket, provide me with the necessary paper to take notes, jot down an idea, record a thought or experience, or remember the name and author of a good book. Paper napkins, the back of a book jacket, or any other scrap of paper can hold a treasure of ideas and recorded messages from walks, talks, or musings over cups of coffee and bagels. 

Copious notetaking and research is a major part of my writing experience. Whether I learned this from my long academic career, or whether this is analagous to bringing in the sheaves, harvesting the crops, and storing up for winter, for a writer, gathering ideas, thoughts, information about our subjects, descriptions for our settings, or photographs, sketches, and trips to refresh our memories are part of our writing process. 

Writers each have a style that suits the purpose of doing the background and research to gird and enhance the quality of our work. Also true is that each writer has a way they work best. For some like writer, Anne Dillard, the process is disciplined and scheduled, 

"A schedule defends from chaos and whim. It is a net for catching days. It is a scaffolding on which a worker can stand and labor with both hands at sections at a time."

Writing is a practice, and by that I mean if writing is to result in a finished product, it is more than the whimsical delight of putting pen to paper or tapping our ideas across a digital screen.  Writing can indeed be a whimsical delight, however, it must go beyond and around that if we are to arrive at a destination. To get a book written and completed, then published and marketed, it first has to be done as well as it possibly can be.  The practice of writing is written about endlessly. Everyone has an idea about how to develop as a writer. We are fortunate to live in a time when at least some want to support other writers develop, grow, and succeed in their goal to write and publish. One of the things we now need to do, is to unplug ourselves from the screen filled with blog after blog of advice, the writing group that endlessly critiques and challenges our writing spirit, and the endless number of distractions that may enhance your writing practice when done in small doses, but tend to become obssessions that take our attention, time, and body away from the task of writing.  Writers write, and a writing practice is in large part about dedicating time, space, large parts of our life and commitment of body, mind, and spirit to the task and art of writing.

What does a writing practice look like? Mine consists of establishing a routine and a set of priorities for what I intend to work on. I make a list of priorities, and then build my day's and week's work around that. When I have a large project, for example a book, I set tasks and priorities for the long haul of the project. 

While working on a big project, I always have a number of other projects going on. I learned a process many years ago about first making a list of those task, goals, and projects I want to work on. Next, I sort those projects according to the level of urgency or need. For example, if I want to enter an essay in a writing contest, I have an imposed deadline, and I work around that. In my writing practice, there has to be room for spontaneity.  I might be more productive with larger projects if I weren't so enthralled by some of the more fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants projects that I tackle. 

Writers differ in style. Some writers work on one project at a time to the exclusion of all other writing projects.  Others, work on a variety of projects at a time.  In both cases, writers still have to deal with distractions and demands on their time, energy, health, and mental energy.  Those of us who teach understand that the energy required of teachers draws from  the same well that writers need to be able to write.  Sabbaticals are good for giving writers time, energy, and focus to write. For others of us, we use our academic discpline and practice to devote ourselves to treating our writing as if it were a course we were teaching or a major project we were trying to complete.  As I would lay out a dissertation, thesis term paper, or class syllabus/outline, so too I lay out my major writing projects.  In addition, I have developed routines to take care of my health when I am working on a book. I plan my exercise, my meals, even times for having fun, and then I stick to routine. 

Writers set priorities that take into account the other interestes and demands on their time.  Each person has to determine what matters most to them. Family is important to me, and whatever I do revolves around the time I spend with my family and close circle of friends. Since I live far from people I am closest to, I travel a lot and I use technology to keep me connected when we cannot be together.  Because I can write on the go (thanks to laptops and digital tablets), the writing life is easier than it use to be for travelers.    

Other than family, since I have been a full-time writer, the priorities I set have to do with what to write. I have to determine what writing is worth my time and energy.  Writers have to determine what matters most, and what is best for them at any given time in their career. Just because you are good at something and could do it, doesn't necessarily mean that project, job, or work is good for you.  When I let go of doing things that are not supporting me, as a writer or as a person, I make room for doing what enhances and enriches me.  For three years I published an online journal. I began doing it because I enjoyed it and wanted to encourage other women to write.  When I stopped doing it, I still enjoyed it but decided it was not paying for itself, and I had reached the finish line for that particular project.  Taking a freelance job that does not pay what your time and energy is worth, is not often a good idea. There are times when we take jobs for other than financial reward; we take a job because it is interesting or may open us to a new area.  We use a job to help us hone our craft. There are many reasons to take jobs that do not pay well, but there will come a time when letting go of 'working for peanuts' will be the right choice. 

Writers have to raise their expectations.  Writers are not automatically entitled to success or to their books making it to the top of the bestseller's list.  We writers however, have to raise our expectations in proportion to the level and quality of work we want to write.  When our writing results in a book or piece of writing that we are proud of , when we have honed our writing skills and have dedicated ourselves to making our living as a writer, we then have to do what it takes to be successful. For newly-published authors (with either the mainstream publishers or as a self-published author), the work begins to distribute and market the book.  Even best-selling authors like Anne Lamont and Louise Erdrich, have to go out on the road to meet the public and talk about their books in an effort to get people to buy their work.  If you have published a book, that is your job as a writer. If you have an agent, publicist, or assistant, you will get some encouragement and help, but you still have to do the work. Walking into a bookstore and asking a bookstore owner to take a chance on stocking your books or promoting you, is not the way to go. Writers need to educate themselves on how the publishing business works, and how it is changing.  Companies like Lulu and CreateSpace provide all kinds of support, information, and good ideas for helping writers promote their work.  Before you complete your book, find out what you should be doing to help promote your book before and after it is published. Writer, Linda Formicelli and literary agent, Rachelle Gardner both have websites and blogs which provide helpful advice to writers. Writer, C.Hope Clarke, publishes a weekly newsletter with writing advice and encouragement, contests, and jobs. If you really want to become a successful author and if you want to sell your books, learn the ropes from those out there who know how to do it. 

Back to the Land                                                                         Catherine Al-Meten

As award-winning writer Louise Erdrich noted, "Writers make few choices, really, about their material. We have to write about what comes naturally and what interests us."  Writers write because they want to communicate about those interests and observations of life. I write because I hope something I have learned will help someone else. I write because I want to share the beauty of life, the hope that we can survive and accomplish a greater purpose, and because I just love the feel of words coming out of my fingers. If you are going to write and publish what you write, take on the responsibility of learning what you can about how to do it right. Writing is one thing I think we need to avoid the "learning the hard way" path. Learn from those who already traveled the path, and use your powers of discernment to discover what kernels of gold are to be found in their advice. Take responsibility for your own development and success as a writer, and keep on putting your work out to be read by others.  

Frilly Silly Filly, a poem

Frilly

Silly

Filly

Where it is you’ve been?

Prancing

Dancing

Trancing

‘Cross fields

into the Wind.

Frilly

Silly

filly

What it is, you do

all day

among the clover

the bees

the birds,

and you?

Frilly

Silly

Filly

So beautiful and new

to life in fields

and pastures

to streams

and hills

 and you. 

Frilly

Silly

Filly

How find you, life so far?

Running 

Prancing

Dancing

through

 life upon a farm?

Frilly 

Silly 

Filly

What wish you, on a star?

A friendly hand,

An apple sweet,

a friendly dapple mare

to roll a bucket 

for you to chase,

to nestle beside you

near a pile of hay

when comes the end of day.

2/19/2013

Thinking of a Frilly Sill Filly and My Darling Lola

copyright@Catherine Al-Meten, 2013

Mother and Child                                                                                                                        Catherine Al-Meten
Oregon City                                                                                                                                            March 2005

Poetry: Language of the In Between

Poetry is born from the times in between. The waiting times, the hunger times, the longing times, and the times when we seem to be able to do nothing more. Yet, in that space between times, images, sensations, emotions, and our chattering minds seem to find, in stillness, a moment to capture, a moment to find ourselves awake and alert to the eternal Now.  

From my latest book, Shadows: A Collection of Poetry, a stanza from "Waiting for Snow."

Snuggled beneath warm covers,

Propped up on piles of pillows,

High in the warmth of the white iron bed,

Doll-like in perpetual pose,

Straining, praying,

Waiting for snow."

 Spend some time in the stillness of your days and nights, sinking deeper into the language of the in between...poetry.  Consider too, jotting down your own experiences, observations, feelings, and imaginative, intuitive ideas. You never know, but that your in-between times a poem or a story or a tale or a painting, a vase, or piece of jewelery, or new invention might be seeded. 

Rainy Day on the Pier                                                                                                                                     Catherine Al-Meten

Snowed in or just wanting to stay by a warm fire and catch up on your reading? Stuck in an airport, or waiting in the car or waiting room for someone’s game, rehearsal, class, appointment or practice to finish? May I suggest getting my book, Shadows: A Collection of Poetry  for your Kindle.  Shadows: A Collection of Poetry is a fine collection of poetry and some striking photography, and it is  available now on Kindle.  You can also order a paperback copy and get free shipping  on Amazon.com. 

Why I Don't Do Meetings

Wisps                                                                                                     Catherine Al-Meten

For most of my life, much of each day has been planned. When I was a child, my parents planned my life. I had lots of free time to roam and wonder, to play and have fun.  When in school for many, many years, life revolved around school, homework, friends, and finding time to do all the things I wanted and needed to do. 

Once I began working, life continued to revolve around the hours of work, and since I’ve always had more than one job going at a time, life was filled with meetings, events, and activities including preparing for meetings, events, and activities. While working, I was also going to school, and because people have always been important to me, life revolved around friends...most of whom I met while, you guessed it, working or going to school, or both.  While working and going to school, I was also starting my own family. I had my Daughter in my early 20s, and after 2 years, became a single mother until my mid-30s. I married, continued mothering, began helping take care of my parents who were now aging and in fragile health, and doing all the other things I had been doing. As a teacher, administrator, and counselor, life continued to be about meetings, planning, preparing, activities, researching, learning, writing, discovering, activities, events, and more meetings. For many years, this lifestyle appealed to me, in fact fed me and nourished me, and I was perfectly happy in the rhythms of life.

When I was working an executive level administrative job on the East Coast, my Daughter had her first child. My granddaughter’s birth was a turning point in my life, and within a few months, I had moved to the Bay area to help my daughter with my Granddaughter. From that moment, my priorities shifted. It was a 8.0 earthquake event in my life.  One week I am working 24/7, responsible for multiple programs, budgets, obligations, and 5-year plans.  The next week, I’m sitting in a rocking chair in my bathrobe in the middle of the day rocking a 2-month old child--my granddaughter, and I thought at that moment, “There is nothing more important to me than being right here where I am with this beautiful child.” I felt then, and I continue to feel so grateful that my Daughter allowed me to come and help her take care of this lovely child who is now 6 years old. 

At the same time I became Yaya, I also resolved to commit myself to running my own businesses.  From that point, I have been a self-employed writer, photographer, and spiritual counselor.  Like many who work for themselves know, we can drive ourselves hard. Our work no longer depends entirely on someone else’s whim or plan. We operate according to our own schedules (often late into the night or days without a break), and we decide the direction of our work. A little over 6 months ago, I began leading workshops and meditation groups at a local yoga studio. I love what I’m doing, and am only committed to be there 2-3 hours a week.  I see clients in my home, at the studio and at other venues (bookstores, care facilities). My writing and photography work I do daily, and I arrange counseling for a couple of sessions a week.  

So, as you might see, though I am in charge of the planning of my life, it continues to be full of meetings, activities, and events.  At this moment, I am longing for some time to try out a different style of living. I realize that when I have a spare moment, I long for quiet and calm.  I long for an intimacy about life that doesn’t include work, obligations, meetings, or events. I long to live next door to my daughter and granddaughter so we can drop by one another’s house on a daily basis for tea, a laugh, a walk, or a talk.  I long to have someone else in the house that has been mine alone for too long. I long to get into the stickiness and fun and chaos and joy and struggle of life lived in close connection.  I long to catch up on all the years I’ve missed with the man I love. I long to find out what it feels like to just ‘be’ without anything on my schedule.  I long for a vacation that is actually about relaxing and not about more plans, meetings, projects, and events.  

Why am I writing this to address the question, “why I don’t like to make appointments? I long to not have to set my life aside  or take up space in my brain awaiting the telephone meeting or long-awaited call to a friend.  I’d rather be with my friends. I’d rather be with my family and those I love, and not just experience them as a date on a calendar, an item on an agenda, a plan on an itinerary, or a dream for the future. Life, for me, is in urgent need of living, now. Clearing my calendar, setting aside plans and schemes, and heading into a time when I am enjoying life as it is, regardless of where I am or who I am with.  

Making appointments means I’ve set time aside to meet; it also means until the meeting, I will be spending a great deal of time and energy preparing myself to be in some contrived experience that aims to create connection. Not sure that’s how I want to do it any more. I’d like to see what it’s like to live day to day. To take some time to smell the flowers and plant some. To go where my whim takes me, and to invite in more intimacy, connection, and love. Some who think writers and photographers live lives of leisure, will think I already live a life of ease. Others who know, may understand. It really doesn’t matter whether anyone understands, and this is something that I will need to remind myself of, because living up to the expectations of others is part and parcel with the way most of us live; indeed it’s what has been a defining aspect of my life. Now I wish to live from the motivations of love, connection, and communication with those who are truly the loves of my life.

I long to hear the call of Spirit within me, that asks that I follow the longings that lead me to live an authentic life of love, devoted to beauty, harmony, and connection. Peace within, peace without. A life lived mindfully can be of more benefit to humankind if for no other reason that to help recapture the simple need to appreciate ourselves, our lives, and our place in Creation.

Shadows: A Collection of Poetry

In late November, 2012, I put the finishing touches on a collection of poetry I had written over a period of 30 or so years. My original intention was to compile a little something for a poetry reading to which I had been invited.  What I thought would take a couple of weeks, became a major project, and an exciting adventure. Adventure comes in many forms. There are the adventures of traveling and discovering new places or people, or of living out a long-held dream.  My life has been full of adventure for I have been one who likes to keep seeking. What's next? What's on the other side of this experience? What is beneath the surface of these emotions? What would it be like if...."

Writing and publishing Shadows: A Collection of Poetry was an adventure on several surprising levels. Fir st, compiling, rereading, and remembering what had triggered the poetry, sent me back in time and deep into my subconscious. The poetry I had written reawakened me to people, emotions, experiences, and a great deal of unsettled memories.  The poetry came out of a place within me that was quite different from my persona...the "me" I had come to believe was how the world saw me.  It reminded me of a lot of deep-seated sorrow, grief, and unresolved issues that could only find release through poetry.  

For me, poetry comes from a place inside that finds langugage nearly useless. Only by connecting to how my experience links me to the world within and around me, can I relieve myself of that which holds onto me. Writing about the effects of war, loss, separation, and longing, can only be done in small pieces. Most of the time, the source lays quiet in a place of patient acceptance, or is channeled in a flurry of activity to turn "it" into something bearable and life-affirming.   Even to try to write about what poetry means to me or what motivates me to write, is nearly impossible.  

I say nearly, as without thought or intention, some small moment, some brief glimpse or inspiration will bring a distorted, chaotic mess into focus. The glimmer of hope that shines through even the darkest moment in someone's life, will touch me. The beauty of the sun filtering through a tree, or a bird appearing at my window will bring my world back into focus. And that is all. The willingness to be open to those moments, to see the blessings in the worst of times, and to light on a branch long enough to settle into building a nest of words that can find a home in a piece of poetry. 
That's all there is. That's the grandeur and the glory of poetry.

To catch a glimpse of how some of that poetry makes its way into the nest, read a bit from Shadows: A collection of poetry. 

Another adventure that came out of publishing Shadows: A Collection of Poetry, was the experience of getting this book ready, from start to publication to marketing. Out of an adventure I began long ago, and a dream I had to begin my own publishing company, I also gave birth to Whales & Nightingales Press and Writing Services, a company designed to assist other poets and authors get their work prepared, published and marketed. 

For more information about Shadows, visit the Facebook Page

Shadows: A Collection of Poetry's Facebook Page.

Living with an Open Heart

Gift of Memories                                                                                Catherine Al-Meten

As New Year, 2013 begins, we are again at a threshold between the past and the present, yesterday and tomorrow. Turning points are times that offer us stillness and time to pause and reflect, if we are so inclined.  New Year's is always a time for me to reflect, clear out, and prepare, to process what has happened, and to wonder about what lies ahead. New Year's, the holiday, follows a nearly two-month period of holy days and celebrations, and the accompanying expectations, stress, and building levels of anxiety and concern for "getting it right" for some, and for finding a way to 'get through' for others.  I too have my own set of expectations, and stress-related anxieties. We have arrived at an end to the year and most of the celebrations. My own experiences of the holy days differs year to year, and this year I found a peaceful way to embrace the fullness of the holy withouth driving myself or anyone else over the edge. Each year, I discover a little more about how to live in the present, and to deal with my own unrealistic expectations of what life is supposed to 'be' like. Now the passage of time brings us to another turning point in time, the end of last year and the beginning of the new.  

Threshold times revolve around passages. We pass from one year into another, or we embark on a new journey. We might begin or complete a project. We might alter the way we live, or set out on a course of discovery or set off on an adventure. At the threshold, we consider what we are leaving behind, and what we have gleened from the past that we can carry forward with us. We notice what has left our lives, or what we have accumulated or chosen that now needs to be integrated into our lives. We look at what about ourselves, we need to repair, tend to, nurture, heal, strengthen, or love more tenderly.  We search our souls and psyches to ask the questions that matter most to us as we prepare for a new start. For some, it has to do with taking better care of ourselves. I've heard from many who are begining dietary cleanses, or starting new diets. Others are getting prepared to get more fit. Still others are looking for creeds, codes, and omens to guide their paths. What is it that you are gathering for your journey into 2013? 

This morning I awoke with several thoughts humming through my brain.  "listen more closely", "count your blessings", "walk more mindfully in each moment", and "open your heart to be more receptive to what gifts are coming your way". "Focus on the little pieces of each big day, each big project, each big event, and capture the elusive heart of each matter." I read my friend Carlos' blog this morning, and he beautifully captured a series of simple blessing times he had experienced over the last year. I recall him talking about each one, and I thought as I read his piece, "Being grateful is the key and the real motivator that propells us forward and gives life  its wholeness." So before setting forward, I plan on looking back to create my own blessing list, and to be grateful for all that my life has blessed me with on the journey this past year.

Next, in preparing for the future, I know it is important to identify not so much what I hope will happen, but how I am living in each moment.  What I have learned about life is that no matter what my expectations, plans, or dreams be, life unfolds in its own singularly special, magical, and beautiful way.  When I put my intentions out, I must do so without knowing exactly how what I desire is going to return to me. If I hold onto too tightly to a vision of how a wish, desire, or dream comes into being, I block my way, and may not notice how I am receiving just what I need in just the right way. The special moments in our lives come about in surprising, unexpected ways and at times when we least imagine they will. By opening our minds, hearts, eyes, and consciousness to what is on the path with us, what is right in front of us, and what is within us brewing, bubbling to the surface,  waiting to be born into being, we miss the fragile truth of the present. 

So as this new year begins, my desire is to be more present in each moment, the be grateful each day for what is and is not part of my life, and to notice and affirm all the blessings that are already creating the magic of life, love, creativity, and connection for my life. As I dip my ladle into the bubbling cauldron of love, beauty,  and relationship, I am nourished and filled with purpose, connection, and gratitude. 

Life is full of purpose, fulfillment, and meaning in direct proportion to how I acknowledge and embrace how blessed each day, each moment, and each connection is.  The ongoing birth of Creation is in part, what we make of the wonderful gift we each have to rise each day to a new chance to live from love, compassion, and a willingness to honor the gift of Life we have been given. We are each special, filled with magic that only we can express. The sooner we discover our special gifts, the sooner we can open them, put them on, and share them with the world as a way to bring more beauty, peace, hope, and love into being.  My fellow photographer and writer friends understand this. We speak through images that show what we love most or share our adventure for life. Through our art, our music, our writing, we express something of the Divine, something of majesty, to sing Alleluja and say "Yes!" to Life. 

Setting forth on a journey, beginning a new adventure, or starting a new relationship guarantees that the change in our life will be fraught with surprises, challenges, and twists and turns.  At the threshold, we invoke, through prayer, the protection, guidance, and insight needed on the path we are on. Through prayers, reflection, and meditation, we place ourselves into submission before the power of the Divine, the vastness of possibilities, and the daily surrender we make to whatever lies ahead. We know we have what we need for the journey, and we know we will learn, grow, and blossom from the challenges, knowing in our hearts that  "As it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, world without end."
We may not know what lies ahead, nor may we know what we are meant to do each day, but we know we are gifted and blessed for whatever the journey holds for us. 

Today I begin anew, living from my heart and from a place of love. I live with the gifts of grace that we each have if we listen to our hearts and notice what blessings fill us and our lives already. Open yourself to receive what gifts are meant for you, and live without having to know the way it will all turn out. Live with the adventure and surprises of Life, and have a wonderful New Year.  

How Sweet It Is!

Not Today                                                                                                                                                             Catherine Al-Meten

Rain has been pouring down all day. Occasionally it has slowed down, but from what I hear, the hills are sliding down onto the roads and into some of the hillside houses of Astoria. It has been a wet late Autumn, and it appears that the amount of rain that's fallen today could lend some credence to the rumors about the end of the world coming this Friday on the Winter Solstice. While I doubt that to be the case, some things are ending, and I am ever so thankful for that.

Last year around this time, I was wondering how I was ever going to have time, energy, or inspiration to get some of the projects that had been piling up on my desk, in my files, and on my shelves for years now.  Usually working on two or three large projects at a time, I'm more apt to finish up smaller more immediate projects---usually at the behest of someone else---rather than get down to business with my own work. If you're anything like me, I tend to do what I perceive will put bread on the table, gas in the car, or a roof over my head.  The idea that working for myself would be enough to provide me with a decent living, had really never occured to me until quite recently.  

This year, I took a leap of faith, or rather I took a tumble that led me to have to take a metaphoric leap of faith and let go of some of the perceptions I had about how I was living.  While walking down a steep hillside in Sausalito last December, I was just mentally congratulating myself for not tripping and falling, when, you guessed it, I tripped and fell.  This happened quite early in my trip to the Bay area, and I braved it thinking I'd probably done myself no real damage.  After a few weeks when I traveled back to Oregon, my leg was swollen and I was in pain. I was also extremely run down.  Not looking forward to having to commute back and forth to Portland to teach one class, I greeted the new year with a short list of wishes (call them resolutions if you want to but we all know they are wishes). 

At the top of my list, was to stop working for other people and go back to working from home (writing, photography, counseling). Another wish was to get more rest and take better care of myself. Another was to get some projects finished that had been in various stages of development for a long time. There was something about wanting a vacation and another wish to spend more time with my family.  That was it.  Not my usual tome of wishes.

At this end of the year, I can see that from now on, I'm keeping my list short.  With the exception of the vacation, I've done everything on my list.  About three weeks into the Winter term, I was sick and still in pain. I made an appointment to see a doctor, a nurse practitioner.  She promptly diagnosed a major problem with my thyroid and adrenal glands, ordered me to stay in bed with my leg elevated for two-three weeks (so the break could heal; yes, the leg was broken), and to completely change my lifestyle if I wanted to get healthy. What I had dismissed as "being tired" was a more serious problem, and I was finally able to have someone tell me what I needed to do to fix the problem. Rest (that was one of the wishes) and change my life and workstyles (another wish).  It's always good to have someone order you to treat yourself better.

So I entered 2012 believing I had to suck it up for another 6 months or so, but quickly learned, I no longer had that choice. I didn't know how I was going to make it, but believed both the doctor and a wise social worker who observed my life and told me I would be very unwise not to change immediately.  So I did. After going through the excrutiating experience of having to leave a job I had loved for years, feeling bad about letting other people down, I let go, and began to take care of myself.  I'm not going to fill you in on the whole year, but suffice it to say, I did as I was told. Despite the fact that I had been eating quite well according to nearly everyone who advises on how to eat right. For me, I had been making my condition worse. I had to eliminate some of the "healthiest" foods from my diet for they contained too much of what I already had too much of. Adjusting one's diet is a lifelong puzzle for most of us. Our bodies require differnt nutrients at different times of our lives. I'm so thankful to my doctor, Stephanie Potts, for her keen observations, her ability to hear what I said and read between the lines, and for her abilities as a diagnostician (almost more important than anything else in a doctor I believe). She headed me on the right path, monitored my progress, and remembered minute details about me and my life so that she could keep track of how I was doing.

For months I got used to being at home and working from home. I learned how to balance my time, energy, and connections with others. Basically a complete introvert, I am way too happy with my own company for my good health or sense. I made myself go to the local coffee shop, walk around town, meeting people, and getting involved more in reporting on the local art and literary scene as my job as a reporter for an online newservice required. Last summer, I was introduced to a couple who had just opened a yoga studio in Astoria. I asked if they had anyone doing meditation, and they said they didn't but would love to find someone. So I offered my services. In exchange for leading a meditation group, I was able to begin doing yoga on a regular basis. I had begun yoga over 40 years ago. I learned it from Richard Hittleman's book and diagrams. I did yoga through my first pregnancy, and had done it off and on for years. 

When I moved home to Oregon in the early 90s, I went to yoga weekly, but never had had a regular daily practice until this year. Now here comes the pitch. Yoga has changed my life.  I haven't had a regular physical exercise practice since I was in my 30s when my husband and I played tennis, raquet ball, swam, and rode horses. The daily practice of yoga, plus two meditations a week, and a ballet stretch class (that I love) have all combined to help me find a sense of harmony. The people who are part of the yoga studio (the owners, teachers, and students) all combine to make for a nourishing, supportive place to practice.  We have formed a number of great friendships, and I am so grateful. I am busier than  I have been for many years, but my life is in much more harmony. 

My collaborations with other artists and local business people, plus my long-term relationships with people all over the world, have given me the support and connections that have made it possible for me to create...not with a lower case 'c' but  CREATE! In the past month I have been able to finish and publish two books. One is a collection of poetry written over the past 30 years. I wrote it, in part, to prepare for a poetry reading in Monterey in November (Monterey Poetry Consortium's November Poetry reading with poet, Robert Nielsen). Shadows: A Collection of Poetry, is a compilation of a number of poems written, for the most part, to deal with sadness, a sense of separation, and loss I felt from being away from the man I love.  It was wonderful and painful to finally get the poems together, shared, and published. It helped me heal in a way I hadn't realized I needed to. Incidently, once I finished the book, my long lost love reconnected with me, and we are planning our reunion.  

The second book, is a book I was inspired to write when I was still living in Monterey.  I had returned from working in Connecticut, and was helping take care of my granddaughter.  On weekends, I was busy getting my life as a full-time, freelance writer and photographer started. I was envisioning eventually operating a business to help other writers, artists, and photorgaphers, and at that time I established Whales & Nightengales Press.  I created the idea in my mind, gave it a name, and looked forward to the time I could make it come into being.  Last month, I published Shadows: A Collection of Poetry through Whales & Nightengales Press. This month, today in fact, I published the second book, Elements of Tarot: A Guide to a Spiritual Journey.  As I said, it came to me as an inspiration. I had studied and read Tarot for many years, and wanted to do a reading. I bought a new deck, and read the brochure that came with the Rider Waite deck. It read like a collection fortune cookies, and it irritated me that such a powerful and useful tool was being presented to novices in such a poor manner.  

Over the course of a month, I reinterpreted the deck focusing on how it could be used for spiritual and psychological development. I wrote also of the value for novices and professional readers alike to have an ongoing spiritual practice.   The book was written, but I set the manuscript aside for a while because I wasn't sure how to incorporate a deck of cards into the book.  My friend, Tammy von Payens, a local Northwest artist, offered to try her hand at creating some illustrations for the book. We worked together on the illustrations, as she knew little about the cards to start with. We spent a great deal of time discerning and deciding the best ways to do the artwork.  Her quirky and folk-art collage style illustrations, lend a very contemporary flair to an ancient set of metaphysical cards.  Last weekend, we designed the cover together, and got so excited about that. Collaborating and supporting other artists and writers is such a nourishing and rewarding experience.  We published the new book, Elements of Tarot: A Guide for a Spiritual Journey through Whales & Nightengales Press as well. Tammy created a great logo, and the company that was envisioned four years ago, has become a reality.  

Tonight, the rain is still falling. I hear it hitting against the vent of the heater, sending the echo of rain drops down into my living room. Outside the rain is pelting the side of the house, the street, and the wind is whipping and howling. Inside, I am finally beginning to feel tired. I am ready to stop and celebrate. To rest and regenerate. To take some time to appreciate what it takes to discipline yourself to get something you want to create done. I want to appreciate the support I've had from some and the risks I've taken to keep moving toward achieving my dreams regardless of who thought it was a good idea or not.  There is more to do. I know for I have helped a number of my friends do their marketing, arrange for getting out to share their work, and to keep on dreaming up new ideas.  I wanted to get some things done, so I could have a clearer mind to work on a large project I began when I was working on my doctorate. For now, I'm resting, and hopefully, will have a winter vacation before setting to work on the next big project.  

The day-to-day work of writing, doing photography, and counseling will continue, but for a writer who loves to celebrate the finish, I am ready to turn the music up, dance all night, and sing songs of praise for the joy of life and the art of creativity. "Life is like a great big juicy peach," and I believe I am in the middle of enjoying the sweetness of it all.