Identity: Discovering Who We Are

Along the Dock                                                                                                                                          Catherine Al-Meten

 "To give voice to one’s identity, it is necessary to spend time listening to the spaces between what you understand about yourself, and what you have been told about who you are. For the most part our lives have been about responding to the demands of those voices around us. We listen and are told what we need to know by our families, and as we grow, the external influences expand to include friends, acquaintances, education, and the work we do. As we mature, we form partnerships and begin our own families. Throughout our lives, we can find ourselves responding to the external needs of our lives at the exclusion of the inner yearnings we have. Even in our relationships, we seem to long to discover those aspects of ourselves that we miss. Sometimes we are disappointed in the search; other times we are able to connect to something that allows our own voices to emerge. " (Catherine Al-Meten)

This quote came to me during the time I was beginning my work on giving voice to that part of my own identity that had been hidden from me.  While deciding what my doctoral work would focus on, I was encouraged to go deeper into the exploration of my own family's history and the connections that were alive within me, that had not been explored. My mixed indigenous ancestry was affected, like many others in this region, by the system of adopting out native children. The adopting out system, along with the boarding school system, were two ways that children from tribes and clans that live up and down the rivers, streams, and coasts of the Pacific Northwest were rounded up and shipped, by barge, many across the dangerous bar at the mouth of the river, upriver to orphanages and boarding schools. Children were strpped of their names, culture, language, had their hair cut, and were forbidden from speaking their languages, practicing their traditions, and most horribly, made to feel ashamed of their indigenous identity.  For many years, laws treated indigenous peoples as less than human and put restrictions on native people, keeping them from marrying, holding jobs, having access to education, and owning property. 

All the legal and social restrictions were bad enough, but  worse, in many ways it seems to me, was the restiction many of the adopted families inflicted on the children who were taught that their dreams were evil, their imaginations and love of the natural world was satanic or pagan, and that all that the dominant culture considered beautiful, good, or right, lay outside the access to one with mixed or indigenous heritage.  Over the years, listeneng to  those who have told me of their own experiences as adopted out indigenous children, or  of the experiences of grandparents, parents, and other relatives. The familiar experiences of abuse, forced religious conversion, verbal and physical abuse, and most often, the complete denial of the person's authentic heritage and identity.  This experience is in no way limited to indigenous or mixed indigenous people. For me, this is how I entered the journey to discover the secrets, the shame, the mysteries, and the dead ends to discovering the truth about my own family history.  This story is common among many who have been taken from their families, or who have been cut off from their cultural heritage.  

Why am I writing about it today? Because the wounded spirit of one who seeks to connect with and discover who they are,to discover their life purpose and to answer the call of their soul, requires that we go deeper into knowing who we are. Sometimes that journey is focused externally; other times it arises from within. For years this has been a singular journey that helps me not only find myself, but also to make the connection with all humans who carry the stories, traditions, experiences, conflicts, challenges, and questions with them from one generation to the next.  Currently, I am using my photography and narrative and storytelling skills in creating a project of giving voice and vision to some of what life is like for many of us who live along the rivers of the Pacific Northwest. Not only looking to the past to bring the stories to life but also to connect to those living now as a link between past, present and future generations. 

What ways do we seek to discover our identity? This changes at each stage of life. Identity is revealed wherever we are in whatever we are doing. We learn through our dreams. We learn thorugh our spiritual struggles and practices. We learn about ourselves by quieting ourselves long enough to 'be' present of mindful of that inner truth and essence that we recognize as 'myself'.  We also recognize ourselves through the aspects of ourselves we may not like so much, or may not have come to accept or tolerate very well. We often recognize in others, what we cannot see in ourselves, and this presents us with the opportunity to explore through relationship, those unanswered questions, those unexplored areas of ourselves. We have a treasure chest full of gifts, opportunities, and abilities to discover our authentic selves. Dreams, intuition, relationships, desires and dreams, visions and imagination, intellect and drive, and time. Yes, if you are breathing today, you have time. If you need a map, find a model that works for you, a help but not a concrete weight to tie you down. We all have time to appreciate the gift of life, to use it for some purpose that lifts us and others up, and to live with grace and gratitude that we have been blessed by the Divine with the ability to see the wonders of the Universe--within ourselves and our personal journey, and in others and theirs.

“The soul-Self doesn't follow the crowd. It encourages you to speak up when you need to and live by your truth.”  Debra Moffitt, Garden of Bliss:Cultivating the Inner Landscape for Self-Discovery.

Join me and support my project, Ancient River Trails: Voices and Visions of N'chiawana, the Columbia River.

Exciting Launch of Kickstarter Campaign!

This morning, I pushed the magic button, launching the Kickstarter campaign I've been working on for what seems like, years.  I started to do this a few years ago, but it didn't feel like the right time, so I waited. Concentrating on my writing, photography, and just the process of gathering stories, narraitves, research, and living along the rivers.  For years I have immersed myself in this project. It started when I was working on my doctoral dissertation, and I wrote a huge chapter on the history of the indigenous and mixed indigenous peoples of the Pacific Northwest. The chapter was way too long for the purposes of the dissertation, but in that work were the seeds of this project, Ancient River Trails: Voices and Visions of N'chiawana, the Columbia River and Her Tributaries.   

As you probably know, when you're in the middle of a major project of any kind, it's so very important to take breaks, set the work aside, and move our bodies and focus from the work at hand. For me, that has always been to head to the nearest body of water, the place where the water runs, ebbs and flows, and where the sky, land, and waters meet.  Another passion of mine is going back, behind the last known fact or statement, to discover what came before, what was said or done before, and to find the patterns that remain the same in our lives and the ones that seem to have disappeared. The stories of my family were incomplete. There were pieces I knew and large chunks that were mysteries. Some still remain so.  In a naive effort to find my Grandmother's burial site, I found myself tramping through muddy pioneer cemeteries up and down the Columbia and the Willamette Rivers. As I became more aware of tribal and cultural practices of clans and tribes along the coast and rivers, I realized the story of my grandmother lay elsewhere.

While gathering narratives for both my graduate projects (thesis on immigrants and refugees and dissertaion on mixed indigenous peoples in the PNW), I discovered the truth that all of us come from somewhere else, and our roots are spread out through multiple layers of narrative histories, events, shifts in consciousness, and perceptions...our stories change as we tell them, and our stories take on new meaning as we live and continue creating new visions of what has been and who we are. This book that I've been working on began as an attempt to find out about my own inidgenous heritage, but has become something much more. Ancient River Trails: Voices and Visions of N'chiawana, the Columbia River and Her Tributaries, is chronicle of some of the stories that are told of those who lived along these rivers before, of those who live and work these rivers now. It is a living, moving piece of the much longer story of thousands of years of life along our waterways, and how, at this point in time we are seeking to preserve the cultures, languages, stories, and life of the past with the way we are living along, working with, taking care of, and preserving the river and life along the rivers.

I invite all of you to take a look at the video I made to launch my Kickstarter campaign. This campaign is to help me raise awareness and funds needed for completing the book and short film I'm making on the rivers. This winter and spring I will be traveling up the rivers past The Dalles to explore the rivers further east and north. I want to photograph the Snake and Yakama Rivers as they meet the Columbia, and explore more of the smaller tributaries and the lands around the rivers. My desire is to continue meeting people, learning more about the past and the present of life on the rivers, and to preserve some the beauty and some of the cultural narraitives, lore, stories, and language through this book and film. I also wish to encourage others to look beyond what appears to be, to discover the hidden, sometimes forgotten, sacred narrative of life...narratives that deserve to be remembered and honored.

Thank you for supporting me was I continue this leg of the journey, and I welcome your ideas and whatever support you can give me through the Kickstarter campaign.  Keep following the journey, and I will be sharing more as we move into the colder, rainier seasons along the rivers.  Today the fog lays heavy over the river, and the sun that woke us up today, has disappeared behind the dense fog bank. The Wallapa Mountains to the north, appear as only a vague, dark outline against the sky, the ships anchored in the river channel sit like silent giants, their orange line on the ships' hulls, the only color to be seen.  Living by the river is one of the greatest gifts a writer and photographer could ever wish for. This beautiful river, N'chiawana, the Columbia, is life to me, and sharing some of her beauty and stories is my passion. I need your support, and welcome you to share your questions and your interests about the rivers. Think about that which you are passionate about, and step out in some way, no matter how small, towards allowing that passion to grow.  Sometimes we think we are waiting, when in fact we are growing into our passions, and readying ourselves for the next leg of the journey. Letting life unfold, in perfect order and time, allows us to live fully in the truth of the present.  How fortunate we are. 

Rainy Day Pier                                                                                                                                                  Catherine Al-Meten

To view my Kickstarter video and support my project, Ancient River Trails: Voices and Visions of N'chiawana, the Columbia River and Her Tributaries, visit my website or my Kickstarter site.