Shadows: A Collection of Poetry

In late November, 2012, I put the finishing touches on a collection of poetry I had written over a period of 30 or so years. My original intention was to compile a little something for a poetry reading to which I had been invited.  What I thought would take a couple of weeks, became a major project, and an exciting adventure. Adventure comes in many forms. There are the adventures of traveling and discovering new places or people, or of living out a long-held dream.  My life has been full of adventure for I have been one who likes to keep seeking. What's next? What's on the other side of this experience? What is beneath the surface of these emotions? What would it be like if...."

Writing and publishing Shadows: A Collection of Poetry was an adventure on several surprising levels. Fir st, compiling, rereading, and remembering what had triggered the poetry, sent me back in time and deep into my subconscious. The poetry I had written reawakened me to people, emotions, experiences, and a great deal of unsettled memories.  The poetry came out of a place within me that was quite different from my persona...the "me" I had come to believe was how the world saw me.  It reminded me of a lot of deep-seated sorrow, grief, and unresolved issues that could only find release through poetry.  

For me, poetry comes from a place inside that finds langugage nearly useless. Only by connecting to how my experience links me to the world within and around me, can I relieve myself of that which holds onto me. Writing about the effects of war, loss, separation, and longing, can only be done in small pieces. Most of the time, the source lays quiet in a place of patient acceptance, or is channeled in a flurry of activity to turn "it" into something bearable and life-affirming.   Even to try to write about what poetry means to me or what motivates me to write, is nearly impossible.  

I say nearly, as without thought or intention, some small moment, some brief glimpse or inspiration will bring a distorted, chaotic mess into focus. The glimmer of hope that shines through even the darkest moment in someone's life, will touch me. The beauty of the sun filtering through a tree, or a bird appearing at my window will bring my world back into focus. And that is all. The willingness to be open to those moments, to see the blessings in the worst of times, and to light on a branch long enough to settle into building a nest of words that can find a home in a piece of poetry. 
That's all there is. That's the grandeur and the glory of poetry.

To catch a glimpse of how some of that poetry makes its way into the nest, read a bit from Shadows: A collection of poetry. 

Another adventure that came out of publishing Shadows: A Collection of Poetry, was the experience of getting this book ready, from start to publication to marketing. Out of an adventure I began long ago, and a dream I had to begin my own publishing company, I also gave birth to Whales & Nightingales Press and Writing Services, a company designed to assist other poets and authors get their work prepared, published and marketed. 

For more information about Shadows, visit the Facebook Page

Shadows: A Collection of Poetry's Facebook Page.

Living with an Open Heart

Gift of Memories                                                                                Catherine Al-Meten

As New Year, 2013 begins, we are again at a threshold between the past and the present, yesterday and tomorrow. Turning points are times that offer us stillness and time to pause and reflect, if we are so inclined.  New Year's is always a time for me to reflect, clear out, and prepare, to process what has happened, and to wonder about what lies ahead. New Year's, the holiday, follows a nearly two-month period of holy days and celebrations, and the accompanying expectations, stress, and building levels of anxiety and concern for "getting it right" for some, and for finding a way to 'get through' for others.  I too have my own set of expectations, and stress-related anxieties. We have arrived at an end to the year and most of the celebrations. My own experiences of the holy days differs year to year, and this year I found a peaceful way to embrace the fullness of the holy withouth driving myself or anyone else over the edge. Each year, I discover a little more about how to live in the present, and to deal with my own unrealistic expectations of what life is supposed to 'be' like. Now the passage of time brings us to another turning point in time, the end of last year and the beginning of the new.  

Threshold times revolve around passages. We pass from one year into another, or we embark on a new journey. We might begin or complete a project. We might alter the way we live, or set out on a course of discovery or set off on an adventure. At the threshold, we consider what we are leaving behind, and what we have gleened from the past that we can carry forward with us. We notice what has left our lives, or what we have accumulated or chosen that now needs to be integrated into our lives. We look at what about ourselves, we need to repair, tend to, nurture, heal, strengthen, or love more tenderly.  We search our souls and psyches to ask the questions that matter most to us as we prepare for a new start. For some, it has to do with taking better care of ourselves. I've heard from many who are begining dietary cleanses, or starting new diets. Others are getting prepared to get more fit. Still others are looking for creeds, codes, and omens to guide their paths. What is it that you are gathering for your journey into 2013? 

This morning I awoke with several thoughts humming through my brain.  "listen more closely", "count your blessings", "walk more mindfully in each moment", and "open your heart to be more receptive to what gifts are coming your way". "Focus on the little pieces of each big day, each big project, each big event, and capture the elusive heart of each matter." I read my friend Carlos' blog this morning, and he beautifully captured a series of simple blessing times he had experienced over the last year. I recall him talking about each one, and I thought as I read his piece, "Being grateful is the key and the real motivator that propells us forward and gives life  its wholeness." So before setting forward, I plan on looking back to create my own blessing list, and to be grateful for all that my life has blessed me with on the journey this past year.

Next, in preparing for the future, I know it is important to identify not so much what I hope will happen, but how I am living in each moment.  What I have learned about life is that no matter what my expectations, plans, or dreams be, life unfolds in its own singularly special, magical, and beautiful way.  When I put my intentions out, I must do so without knowing exactly how what I desire is going to return to me. If I hold onto too tightly to a vision of how a wish, desire, or dream comes into being, I block my way, and may not notice how I am receiving just what I need in just the right way. The special moments in our lives come about in surprising, unexpected ways and at times when we least imagine they will. By opening our minds, hearts, eyes, and consciousness to what is on the path with us, what is right in front of us, and what is within us brewing, bubbling to the surface,  waiting to be born into being, we miss the fragile truth of the present. 

So as this new year begins, my desire is to be more present in each moment, the be grateful each day for what is and is not part of my life, and to notice and affirm all the blessings that are already creating the magic of life, love, creativity, and connection for my life. As I dip my ladle into the bubbling cauldron of love, beauty,  and relationship, I am nourished and filled with purpose, connection, and gratitude. 

Life is full of purpose, fulfillment, and meaning in direct proportion to how I acknowledge and embrace how blessed each day, each moment, and each connection is.  The ongoing birth of Creation is in part, what we make of the wonderful gift we each have to rise each day to a new chance to live from love, compassion, and a willingness to honor the gift of Life we have been given. We are each special, filled with magic that only we can express. The sooner we discover our special gifts, the sooner we can open them, put them on, and share them with the world as a way to bring more beauty, peace, hope, and love into being.  My fellow photographer and writer friends understand this. We speak through images that show what we love most or share our adventure for life. Through our art, our music, our writing, we express something of the Divine, something of majesty, to sing Alleluja and say "Yes!" to Life. 

Setting forth on a journey, beginning a new adventure, or starting a new relationship guarantees that the change in our life will be fraught with surprises, challenges, and twists and turns.  At the threshold, we invoke, through prayer, the protection, guidance, and insight needed on the path we are on. Through prayers, reflection, and meditation, we place ourselves into submission before the power of the Divine, the vastness of possibilities, and the daily surrender we make to whatever lies ahead. We know we have what we need for the journey, and we know we will learn, grow, and blossom from the challenges, knowing in our hearts that  "As it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, world without end."
We may not know what lies ahead, nor may we know what we are meant to do each day, but we know we are gifted and blessed for whatever the journey holds for us. 

Today I begin anew, living from my heart and from a place of love. I live with the gifts of grace that we each have if we listen to our hearts and notice what blessings fill us and our lives already. Open yourself to receive what gifts are meant for you, and live without having to know the way it will all turn out. Live with the adventure and surprises of Life, and have a wonderful New Year.  

How Sweet It Is!

Not Today                                                                                                                                                             Catherine Al-Meten

Rain has been pouring down all day. Occasionally it has slowed down, but from what I hear, the hills are sliding down onto the roads and into some of the hillside houses of Astoria. It has been a wet late Autumn, and it appears that the amount of rain that's fallen today could lend some credence to the rumors about the end of the world coming this Friday on the Winter Solstice. While I doubt that to be the case, some things are ending, and I am ever so thankful for that.

Last year around this time, I was wondering how I was ever going to have time, energy, or inspiration to get some of the projects that had been piling up on my desk, in my files, and on my shelves for years now.  Usually working on two or three large projects at a time, I'm more apt to finish up smaller more immediate projects---usually at the behest of someone else---rather than get down to business with my own work. If you're anything like me, I tend to do what I perceive will put bread on the table, gas in the car, or a roof over my head.  The idea that working for myself would be enough to provide me with a decent living, had really never occured to me until quite recently.  

This year, I took a leap of faith, or rather I took a tumble that led me to have to take a metaphoric leap of faith and let go of some of the perceptions I had about how I was living.  While walking down a steep hillside in Sausalito last December, I was just mentally congratulating myself for not tripping and falling, when, you guessed it, I tripped and fell.  This happened quite early in my trip to the Bay area, and I braved it thinking I'd probably done myself no real damage.  After a few weeks when I traveled back to Oregon, my leg was swollen and I was in pain. I was also extremely run down.  Not looking forward to having to commute back and forth to Portland to teach one class, I greeted the new year with a short list of wishes (call them resolutions if you want to but we all know they are wishes). 

At the top of my list, was to stop working for other people and go back to working from home (writing, photography, counseling). Another wish was to get more rest and take better care of myself. Another was to get some projects finished that had been in various stages of development for a long time. There was something about wanting a vacation and another wish to spend more time with my family.  That was it.  Not my usual tome of wishes.

At this end of the year, I can see that from now on, I'm keeping my list short.  With the exception of the vacation, I've done everything on my list.  About three weeks into the Winter term, I was sick and still in pain. I made an appointment to see a doctor, a nurse practitioner.  She promptly diagnosed a major problem with my thyroid and adrenal glands, ordered me to stay in bed with my leg elevated for two-three weeks (so the break could heal; yes, the leg was broken), and to completely change my lifestyle if I wanted to get healthy. What I had dismissed as "being tired" was a more serious problem, and I was finally able to have someone tell me what I needed to do to fix the problem. Rest (that was one of the wishes) and change my life and workstyles (another wish).  It's always good to have someone order you to treat yourself better.

So I entered 2012 believing I had to suck it up for another 6 months or so, but quickly learned, I no longer had that choice. I didn't know how I was going to make it, but believed both the doctor and a wise social worker who observed my life and told me I would be very unwise not to change immediately.  So I did. After going through the excrutiating experience of having to leave a job I had loved for years, feeling bad about letting other people down, I let go, and began to take care of myself.  I'm not going to fill you in on the whole year, but suffice it to say, I did as I was told. Despite the fact that I had been eating quite well according to nearly everyone who advises on how to eat right. For me, I had been making my condition worse. I had to eliminate some of the "healthiest" foods from my diet for they contained too much of what I already had too much of. Adjusting one's diet is a lifelong puzzle for most of us. Our bodies require differnt nutrients at different times of our lives. I'm so thankful to my doctor, Stephanie Potts, for her keen observations, her ability to hear what I said and read between the lines, and for her abilities as a diagnostician (almost more important than anything else in a doctor I believe). She headed me on the right path, monitored my progress, and remembered minute details about me and my life so that she could keep track of how I was doing.

For months I got used to being at home and working from home. I learned how to balance my time, energy, and connections with others. Basically a complete introvert, I am way too happy with my own company for my good health or sense. I made myself go to the local coffee shop, walk around town, meeting people, and getting involved more in reporting on the local art and literary scene as my job as a reporter for an online newservice required. Last summer, I was introduced to a couple who had just opened a yoga studio in Astoria. I asked if they had anyone doing meditation, and they said they didn't but would love to find someone. So I offered my services. In exchange for leading a meditation group, I was able to begin doing yoga on a regular basis. I had begun yoga over 40 years ago. I learned it from Richard Hittleman's book and diagrams. I did yoga through my first pregnancy, and had done it off and on for years. 

When I moved home to Oregon in the early 90s, I went to yoga weekly, but never had had a regular daily practice until this year. Now here comes the pitch. Yoga has changed my life.  I haven't had a regular physical exercise practice since I was in my 30s when my husband and I played tennis, raquet ball, swam, and rode horses. The daily practice of yoga, plus two meditations a week, and a ballet stretch class (that I love) have all combined to help me find a sense of harmony. The people who are part of the yoga studio (the owners, teachers, and students) all combine to make for a nourishing, supportive place to practice.  We have formed a number of great friendships, and I am so grateful. I am busier than  I have been for many years, but my life is in much more harmony. 

My collaborations with other artists and local business people, plus my long-term relationships with people all over the world, have given me the support and connections that have made it possible for me to create...not with a lower case 'c' but  CREATE! In the past month I have been able to finish and publish two books. One is a collection of poetry written over the past 30 years. I wrote it, in part, to prepare for a poetry reading in Monterey in November (Monterey Poetry Consortium's November Poetry reading with poet, Robert Nielsen). Shadows: A Collection of Poetry, is a compilation of a number of poems written, for the most part, to deal with sadness, a sense of separation, and loss I felt from being away from the man I love.  It was wonderful and painful to finally get the poems together, shared, and published. It helped me heal in a way I hadn't realized I needed to. Incidently, once I finished the book, my long lost love reconnected with me, and we are planning our reunion.  

The second book, is a book I was inspired to write when I was still living in Monterey.  I had returned from working in Connecticut, and was helping take care of my granddaughter.  On weekends, I was busy getting my life as a full-time, freelance writer and photographer started. I was envisioning eventually operating a business to help other writers, artists, and photorgaphers, and at that time I established Whales & Nightengales Press.  I created the idea in my mind, gave it a name, and looked forward to the time I could make it come into being.  Last month, I published Shadows: A Collection of Poetry through Whales & Nightengales Press. This month, today in fact, I published the second book, Elements of Tarot: A Guide to a Spiritual Journey.  As I said, it came to me as an inspiration. I had studied and read Tarot for many years, and wanted to do a reading. I bought a new deck, and read the brochure that came with the Rider Waite deck. It read like a collection fortune cookies, and it irritated me that such a powerful and useful tool was being presented to novices in such a poor manner.  

Over the course of a month, I reinterpreted the deck focusing on how it could be used for spiritual and psychological development. I wrote also of the value for novices and professional readers alike to have an ongoing spiritual practice.   The book was written, but I set the manuscript aside for a while because I wasn't sure how to incorporate a deck of cards into the book.  My friend, Tammy von Payens, a local Northwest artist, offered to try her hand at creating some illustrations for the book. We worked together on the illustrations, as she knew little about the cards to start with. We spent a great deal of time discerning and deciding the best ways to do the artwork.  Her quirky and folk-art collage style illustrations, lend a very contemporary flair to an ancient set of metaphysical cards.  Last weekend, we designed the cover together, and got so excited about that. Collaborating and supporting other artists and writers is such a nourishing and rewarding experience.  We published the new book, Elements of Tarot: A Guide for a Spiritual Journey through Whales & Nightengales Press as well. Tammy created a great logo, and the company that was envisioned four years ago, has become a reality.  

Tonight, the rain is still falling. I hear it hitting against the vent of the heater, sending the echo of rain drops down into my living room. Outside the rain is pelting the side of the house, the street, and the wind is whipping and howling. Inside, I am finally beginning to feel tired. I am ready to stop and celebrate. To rest and regenerate. To take some time to appreciate what it takes to discipline yourself to get something you want to create done. I want to appreciate the support I've had from some and the risks I've taken to keep moving toward achieving my dreams regardless of who thought it was a good idea or not.  There is more to do. I know for I have helped a number of my friends do their marketing, arrange for getting out to share their work, and to keep on dreaming up new ideas.  I wanted to get some things done, so I could have a clearer mind to work on a large project I began when I was working on my doctorate. For now, I'm resting, and hopefully, will have a winter vacation before setting to work on the next big project.  

The day-to-day work of writing, doing photography, and counseling will continue, but for a writer who loves to celebrate the finish, I am ready to turn the music up, dance all night, and sing songs of praise for the joy of life and the art of creativity. "Life is like a great big juicy peach," and I believe I am in the middle of enjoying the sweetness of it all. 

Art as Our Work

Paperback version of Shadows: A Collection of Poetry

We live in a marvelous, magical time. We have the capacity and freedom to make creative choices with our lives, and we have the technology and access to put our creations into print or e-form to make our voices heard anywhere on the planet.  When you think about it, it boggles the mind. At least it boggles my mind. I think about all the great artists, writers, poets, scientists, and other creative types who lived in lives of relative obscurity. I wonder if motivated only by the desire to create, they didn't often wonder whether or not anyone would ever be able to hear their voices, enjoy their work, or even have access to their creations?

Last night in talking to an artist friend of mine, I was reminded, as I am on a daily basis, of all the choices we have to make when we devote and commit ourselves to lives of creativity. We all need to work to keep ourselves afloat. Even Maslow understood that the basic needs had to be met before we were free enough, stable enough, and healthy enough to reach the our level of human potential.  He was only half right though. For writers and artists often give up some of what others would say are the "necessities" quite simply so that they can do their art. Our friends and families, well meaning though they are, often encourage us to get a 'real' job, not understanding that our art is our work. 

Many writers, even the most famous ones, historically and living writers, have been well-educated, had careers, maintained relationships and families, and lived fairly conventional lives. 
William Carlos Williams, for example practiced medicine in New Jersey his entire career while also being a poet. Poet, Wallace Stevens, worked for Hartford Accident and Indemnity for over 40 years, refusing to leave his job when he became famous. He also refused to accept the Pullitzer Prize for Literature because it would require him to leave his job with the Hartford company. Poet, Phillip Larkin, was a librarian at HullU niversity's library when he wrote his poetry. Bram Stoker, the author of "Dracula" was the personal assistant to an actor and the business manager of the Lyceum Theater in London for most of his life. Alice in Wonderland's author, Lewis Carroll, was a teacher, mathematician, and photographer. 

Mystery writers,  Dashell Hammet and John Grishem, had jobs that later became part of their genre. Hammet was a private detective and Grishem was an attorney and a member of the House of Representatives representing Mississippi. Jack London was an oyster pirate, gold prospector, and a hobo, riding the rails to gather stories. Essayist and poet, Ralph Waldo Emerson, ran a school for girls out his home with his brother. He also was a minister and lecturer. Henry David Thoreau, was Emerson's handy man, worked for his family's pencil company,  taught and sold vegetables to keep himself together. Nathanial Hawthorne, of The Scarlet Letter fame, worked for the Boston Custom's house as well as being a surveyor and inspector for the Port of Salem. Zane Gray, was able to give up his much-hated job as a dentist at the age of 40, when he  became a successful writer.

We often do strange things to take care of our families and to help ourselves survive. J.D. Salinger, was an entertainment director on a Swedish cruise ship.  Franz Kafka, was a chief legal secretary for an insurance company, Tom McCarthy was a nude model in  Prague and a bartender in Berlin at an Irish bar. John Steinbeck ran a fish hatchery and led guided tours in the Lake Tahoe area. T.S. Eliot worked for Lloyd's Bank in London, where he was inspired to write his famous poem, The Wasteland. Robert Frost worked in a light bulb factory and worked as a newsboy after leaving Dartmouth College after just a few months. Ken Kesey volunteered for CIA experiments with LSD where he was inspired to write One Flew Over the Cukoo's Nest. Kurt Vonnegut worked for a Saab dealership. Siri Hustdvedt, author of What I Loved, worked as a window model at Bloomingdales. Stephen King worked as a school janitor, James Joyce sang for his supper to support himself, and David Shields had a series of jobs, all of which he was fired from including, McDonalds, a fabric store, and a school custodian. Joseph Heller was a blacksmith's apprentice. Harper Lee was an airlines reservation clerk before she wrote To Kill a Mockingbird. 

A number of us writers start out as English teachers, including Dan Brown, J.K.Rowlings, to name just two. 
Many women writers cast their fate to the winds, starting out with just pennies in their pockets to take their chances at doing what their hearts desire. Patti Smith wrote Just Kids after going to New York City to become a writer with just a one-way ticket in her pocket. Dorothy Parker set up shop as a NYC writer in a $75 a month apartment on 54th. Her small one bedroom flat was both her office and home, and the site where other artists and writers gathered. 

Allesandra Stanley, a New York Times writer, wrote upon the death of author and screenwriter,  Nora Ephrom, "... she had a brilliant career, actually several at once, and took risks in all of them." A friend of mine once said that when she went to see Anais Nin speak at a university gathering, the question was asked, "What's it like to be friends with all the famous people you've known, and did you think you would be so famous when you first me?"  To which Nin replied, something to the effect,  "Look around you. Think about your friends who are artists and writers. You live your lives, you do what you must, and you  pursue your passions." That's what it was like.  

And dear writer and artist friends, that is what it is like. We do our work, we create, we figure out ways to pay the bills, keep a roof over our heads, and we find the time and means to do what we need and want to do to create  our art. We make sacrifices, we make choices, and we give up one path to pursue another. Rather than worrying about whether or not we've made the right choice, I believe we must answer the call of our hearts and souls, and just plow on ahead. Listen to that inner voice that calls you to do what may seem impossible, but do it anyway. Find a way. Act on the inspiration. Do the impossible. When we move from that inner spirit, doors open. Maybe not in the way that we imagine or hope, but they open, and we can go on through. Take the risks. Follow the hunches. Act from passion. And what follows is you have at the very least lived life fully connected to the creative process. At the most, you will enrich others with your art. I was prompted to write this piece by two people this morning. One is my artist friend who is trying to decide how to enter her artwork in a couple of contests, and how to choose a way to continue to support herself as an artist. The other is a local photogapher, who does beautiful work and shares it regularly online and in shops around town. Her work is exquisite, but she was criticized by another photographer for manipulating her work.  Not surprising, to find this competitive nastiness in the artworld or anywhere else. However, to allow ourselves to be moved by anyone's opinion of our work to the point where we stop working, we stop being in love with what we do, or we waste a single minute of our precious lives trying to convince anyone else of our worthiness as an artist or our right and indeed, need to pursue our work regardless of what anyone else thinks or believes about it or our worthiness. We are each full of gifts to share, and that is what we must do. Commit to your writing, your art, and a life of passionate risktaking. 

Writers Have to Write

Crashing Waves                                                                                                                                                                           2008
Pacific Grove, California                                                                                                                             Catherine Al-Meten

What does a writer do when finished with a major writing project? Celebrate, take a nap, jump up and down for joy, have a cup of coffee, or open a bottle of champagne? Well, while all those might appeal, having just finished and published the e-version and the print-on-demand version of my new book, Shadows: A Collection of Poetry, I find myself needing to write some more.  Expressing ourselves is something that we all need to do. Artists, musicians, dancers, actors, playwrights, scientists, teachers, leaders, carpenters, whatever our trade or passion, we all need to express ourselves.  There are some writers who say they hate the act of writing, but love having written. Then there are those, like me, who just can't put the pen down or stay off the keyboard. 


As any writer knows, completing a major project and getting it ready for publication is a grueling and energy-consuming task. This particular piece is a collection of poetry that I have written over many years. For anyone who has read any of my writing (articles, scholarly work, essays, or lectures), you probably know me to be deeply passionate and rather on the uplifting and spiritual side.  And those assessments are true; partly true. Last year I was asked by a friend to read at the Monterey Bay Poetry Consortium's monthly poetry reading this November.  At the time, I thought, "this would be a good time to pull my poetry together," and so I believed it would take me a couple of weeks to find the poetry, and then type it in some legible form.  I had not anticipated how instense the experience would be for me. 

First, I gathered poetry from old files, journals, and wherever I had stored them. One mistake I'd made was not memorizing any of the poetry I'd writtensince  seriously beginning to write poetry in the 1970s. Thanks to an old friend with whom I have reconnected, I was able to discover one of my first and favorite poems. We've yet to get together so I can get a copy of the poem, but at least I know it exists. It was written about a small group of friends who were part of the friendship group of some of my friends. These young men were from Lebanon, and the poem was about them. At the time, the Lebanese Civil War had been ravaging their country, and causing their once peaceful and lovely homeland much devastation. The poem was written from the distant perspective I had at that time, of the Middle East. It wasn't my experience, and I didn't know any of these people well, but the energy of their lives cast in shadows of a war, struck me.

The first, naive poem attempting to capture some piece of the culture and history that seemed to be living in front of me, was just the very small shaft of light that would open my eyes and mind to what was to come into my life.  War had been the shadow side of life from the time I was born. My parents met and married during World War II, and my Father fought in the Pacific Theater of War. an odd way to describe war, theater, but war seems to have set the stage for much of what life for many people on this planet have been living with for the past sixty plus years. All my life, I felt we lived in the shadows of war.  My childhood obssession with the horrors of the World War II and the facist horrors of Europe, had made a deep impression on my psyche.  I was convinced that war was obsolete, and had become a thing of the past. 

I recall sitting in my 6th grade classroom reading the Weekly Reader, and understanding that wars were still being fought in places like Viet Nam, Cambodia, Laos, and that advisors from my country were going to help solve the problems that had led to war there.  Later I would have a better understanding of the word and concept "advisor".  My  junior high and high school experience was a time dominated with what then became the Viet Nam War. Friends, classmates, and a whole segment of my generation went off to war, in those days, on demand of the military draft.  Yes, war seeped into every aspect of life, once again, and by the time I met my friends' Lebanese friends, I began to see that war wasn't going away by itself.

It was during that same time that I became more active in anti-war activities, primarily through my work as the Director of the Women's Center at my university.  Together with other student leaders, we organized one of the last student demonstrations to protest the war in Viet Nam. More than that, I became more and more aware of the need to take action to create peaceful ways of communicating.  

Through communicating about how cultural differences, history, language, art, music, dance, and literature all can be uniting forces for people, I saw writing, studying, and teaching as ways for those of us who want more peace and less war. The arts provided pathways and education provided a means  to begin to make a difference in the way we view the world, our individual and collective place within it. My goal became to strive to find ways for how we could get along and work with one another for peaceful ways to solve problems and resolve issues. The path I chose was one of seeking to find what unites us and what connects us to one another. To look for the beauty, diverse differences, and common desires that help us understand one another. To discover ways to allow one another to be, grow, create, and live harmoniously with one another and the Earth.

So life has passed by, and along the way, I found myself deeply drawn to studying the ancient mysteries and sacred texts of world literature and spiritual traditions.  Along that path, I was given the gift of a marriage to a wonderful man whose own life path changed mine.  We must all have some fantasy of finding the perfect person for us, but generally what we find is that the perfect person may appear quite different from our expectations. And if we find someone we truly love and connect with, we often have no idea what the path we walk together will be like. That is certainly true for my husband and me.  For many years, we have been separated by the wars that have been waged in the Middle East. The poetry that I wrote in the quiet, lonely nights when we were apart, in the times when rage or fear, or frustration seemed to be my closest companions, and when no words could really express what struggle and sadness lived within me, poetry was born.

So the task of compiling the poetry that had been written in spits and starts, here and there, became a compelling job.  As all writers know, editing and compiling a piece of work requires rereading and remembering what set your ideas into motion.  The painful and surprising process of rereading, editing, and writing more poetry for this book, was a wrenching and deeply difficult experience. Poets write about what is least speakable. Poetry is emotional, but not in an effusive way. Poetry shades emotions beneath suggestions, images, metaphors, shades of what really transpired.  Poetry touches on that which cannot be described. Poetry is raw and too open for most of us to enjoy except in small doses.  Bringing all this poetry to the page has been an act of wanting to look at what has been real, raw, and deep within me...the parts that rarely surfaced as I sublimated my energy into work, studying, raising children (my own and helping with my grandchild), until one day, I could do nothing else but look at the ravages of war and life, and determine that whatever has happened, we have both survived. 

What happens in the future, is no more clear to me than what I wondered about years ago as I stood in front of my family's house, looking over the rooftops wondering, "I wonder what's out there?"  Art, and the art of writing, is about communicating the answer to that question. And for me, the answer only ever is hinted at by the shadows. 

Taking Care of Our Writer Friend

Rainbow's End                                                                                                                                                     Catherine  Al-Meten
Astoria, Oregon                                                                                                                                                               October, 2012

Yesterday, while skyping with a good friend of mine, I was reminded of the differences in our lives as writers from the other lives we have led or still maintain. My friend is on sabbatical from a high-powered teaching position. She has spent nearly the entire sabbatical researching, writing,  getting ready for  and traveling to give presentations. A little if not a lot like teaching. However, the thing I picked up from her while listening to her struggling to find balance, is something that is unique to writers and artists.  As writers, we cannot do our work without the time, energy, and dedicated focus all of which require long periods of time alone. 

And that is what is different about writing and art that we sometimes forget. We writers do a lot of the work we do in our heads. If we're not using our active imaginations, we are using our analytical skills or concentration to discover, figure out, or search for.  We spend incredible amounts of energy doing, what often looks to others, like nothing. I recall reading something the great and prolific writer, John Steinbeck once observed. He moved to Monterey when the sardine and fishing industry was booming. He wanted to get to know what life was like for the fishermen, but they didn't have much respect for him, for to these hard working men, it appeared that he did nothing. They translated this to mean that he was a neer do well or a rich man's son who knew nothing about hard work.  Writers and artists do not necessarily get much respect or support from those who don't understand the process.  Most artists and writers work for a living and have to make ends meet in the lean times just as other people do.  That said, if you don't get much support for what you do, that becomes a problem on some level of your energetic system too. So the "nothing" that we do includes a lot of mental and some physical, organizing, rewriting or rethinking ideas, approaches, plots, characters, style and syntax, or entire projects or themes. The creative process is not one that may be obvious to others, but it takes an incredible amount of time and energy.  If we imagine ourselves as being composed of numerous subtle bodies each vibrating and pulsating to different forms of energy, we can see that we have needs on many levels. The physical energy and abuse our bodies take sitting, working on computers, typewriters, or pouring over books and papers, also require acknowledgement and attention if we are to remain healthy and whole.



We are reflections of that Divine Creation Spirit, and have the capacity, on many levels, to take in all types of information and knowledge. We have innate abilities, talents, gifts, and resources from which we create, build, develop, and interact and perceive our place in and our view of the world in which we live. We have the capcity to extend our vision beyond time and space limitations, and to take giant leaps to form, shape, and develop theories, propositions, arguments, possibilities, conditions, and other ideas that we then seek to bring to life in some form. 

We have the gifts of dreams, active imagination (creating ideas), perception, consciousness, contemplation, concentration, feeling, sensitivity, intuition, compassion, and insight. Whether or not we use choose to acknowledge, access, trust, and use our gifts, is our decision. When we are using some of the gifts, we may overtax one part of ourselves, and forget about other needs.  When this goes to the extreme, we feel out of balance. Oftentimes when we have pushed ourselves too far, we "hit a wall" and find ourselves nursing an injury, getting ill, falling (one I'm prone to), or otherwise landing on our proverbial fannies.  Down but not out.  We all do this occasionally, though some of us make this a habit. 

Why, do we push ourselves over our limits? We can blame society and the way our cultures set too high a bar for us to jump in order to do our best, meet deadlines, or compete for a place to express our voices. We could, but that would only be part of the answer. If you are a writer who has dedicated at least a good part of your life to being a writer, then you have already made the decision and commitment to be your own guide and boss.  If you are a part-time writer, then you have started to rearrange your priorities, and have made time to do what you know you must to write. If you write around everything else you are obliged to do (parenting, householding, working, studying), you know the sacrifice and value of time, energy, and good health.  

Esoteric knowledge views the body as having at least 12 levels of subtle energy. Great traditions including Kabbalistic teachings, have always understood the many areas of our being through which we connect to the Divine Energy of the Universe, God, a Higher Power, the Creator Spirit...whatever you choose to use to describe in addressing the ineffable nature of the Divine. We try to understand our nature and processes through symbols and metaphors, through rites and rituals including the seven sacraments and the healing, naming, life passage and turning point rituals in which we engage. We may seek to understand ourselves through the energy systems of the body (chakras, meridians, physiology), or through our psychological make up (personality temperments, astrological signs, enneagram types, spiritual paths)...all ways that have ancient roots and remind us that we, humans have been trying to figure out who we are and how we are connected to the Divine since time and being have been in existence.  Whatever models, traditions, paths, or personal philosophies you embrace, it is important to choose wisely, remembering that whatever system or path we choose needs to be able to acknowledge your multifaceted nature.  Any approach that is too simplistic or that leaves out a significant aspect of your being, needs, and desires, won't work on the whole of you and your experience.  Honor all aspects of your being including:  

1. Base/Rootedness: Physical and familial connections to your earthly life (where you live, who you live with, family history, connections to nature, and how you live;
2. Connection and Creation. Relationships and connections with others, your work, your creative and reproductive desires and needs, as well as how your relationships grow and are nourished by your life and your own personal sense of being;
3. Personal Power, Identity, and Code of Honor. How honoring your own needs and desires is fed by the way you live and your relationships and creative expressions and how it links you to that which you truly desire and feel is your soul's destiny;
4. Desire, Compassion, Love. How you express your physical being through emotional, spiritual, physcial ways, and how you are nurtured, enriched, and affirmed;
5. Voice, Understanding and Being Understood: How much of what we say or don't say expresses who we really are or is merely a reflection of unfiltered, inauthentic responses? What are we not saying and why? How do we feel we are being heard and understood, and how does that affect our actions and vocie? Listen to what you are saying to yourself as well as what goes unsaid (about yourself or others), and seek ways to be more authentic through your communication. Address ways you hurt yourself and others, and practice being kinder and more understanding;
6. Intuitive Knowldege and Beliefs. How do our beliefs filter what and how we view the world? What intuitive knowledge do we have, and do we ignore it? How can we learn to trust our intuition more especially when dealing with our sense of harmony and balance? Seek ways to learn to trust and use your intuition, and to be more aware of how your beliefs color your views and affect your understanding;
7. Spiritual Knowledge and Connection: How do our spiritual and religious beliefs support, nurture, inform, and inspire us? If we think we have no beliefs, we are kidding ourselves. We all have beliefs. Spend some time exploring what you believe about the Universe, the Divine, and  Infinite Knowledge. Just because you don't acknowledge something, doesn't mean it doesn't exist, and if you're not tapping into a resource that operates the Universe and is filled with ideas, opportunties, knowledge, and information that pertains to you, you are closing a window of perception and inspiration. Explore, without judging yourself, and see what you find. Pay more attention to dreams, intuitive hunches, seemingly random thoughts, experiences, or encounters, and see if there might be a greater connection than you might have understood.               

There are many paths to walk, and the more intentionalwe are about our habits, the greater our experience of the those paths we can have.  So what does this have to do with our writing practice? For those of us who proclaim through our words what we profess to feel, do, believe, we may forget that what we know and what we do might not always line up.  To know you need to take breaks, is not the same as taking the breaks. To know you need to eat properly and drink enough water and not too much of other substances, is good information but does not work for you unless you actually take the necessary time to plan your meals and eat well. To know you need to get out of the house or up from your desk to move about, is great. Doing it is more of a problem. However, it is not a problem that has no solution. Some of the same skills that make you a better writer also work to make you a more balanced and healthy person. Planning. Preparing. Setting intentions. Setting up a calendar and schedule. Prioritizing. 

One of my favorite ways to get in touch with my present needs is to first make a list of the 10 things that are most important to you. 

Step One: What about your life matters the most right now? Your list might look something like this:

1. Family
2. Writing
3. Health
4. Yoga and Meditation
5. Friends
6. Rest and sleep
7. Being outdoors in nature
8. Getting my home and me ready for winter
9. Canning and making jam
10. Prayer life and Personal growth

Now this is probably a good thing to do withouth thinking about it too much. Let the 'real' you come out here. 

Step Two:  Determine how much time you spend in a day doing all of these tasks. Write the number next to the goal.

Step Three: Draw a circle and divide the circle into portion of time you spend in a day on each activity.  

*If your goals look like mine, you  probably need to do some prioritizing. For that, try this next exercise.

Prioritizing

Step One. Looking at your list of goals, identify the ones that need to be prioritized and clarified better. For me, Writing is the one.

Taking a goal, make a chart including the following headings:

Today   Tomorrow     This Week      This Month     Every months

Under today, divide the task/tasks into specific categories. For example:

Today

1. Write article for Salon.com
2. Write blog article
3. Edit book
4. Gather informaton for R. project
5. Select photographs for book.

Notice anything on Today's list that could be done on a different day, and then move it off the priority list for today. For example, I do not need to do #4 today (I have scheduled a week to work on this project, so it gets moved out). Knowing that I have planned time to do the task, it then is off my mind and is no longer draining energy.  

Do this with all your major and minor goals/tasks, and you'll relieve your mind and clear your schedule.

Now it's all well and good to get our work organized. Most of us are better at this than we are at taking care of ourselves, so let's look at what we need to do for ourselves using the same type of prioroitizing.

What are the 10 physical goals you have to improve your health?
1. Give myself more breaks when at the computer.
2. Strech more and take meditaiton breaks while writing.
3. Get more rest
4. Eat on a more regular schedule.
5. Move.
6. Keep up my yoga practice
7. Walk more
8. Swim
9. Take supplements regularly
10. Cook more and juice more often. 

Now this gives me a place to begin, and with this list, I will prioritize, plan, and start taking action on this list, because I know that if I don't, I will not be working up to my best ability, and will harm my health.  Another thing that I believe is important is that we sometimes place too much importance on our work and not enough on just being.  When we plan, priorotize, and schedule ourselves, we want to include plenty of time for enjoyment, relaxing down time, and time to just be. So with that in mind, I'm giving my back, legs, neck, and shoulders a break, and heading out now to join the world of the living.  We are, after all, here to engage in life and to enjoy the wonderful people around us.  And yes, getting out of the writer's cave is essential not only to your health and happiness but also to your experience and quality of life. Have a great week. Take a little time to plan, take some action to take better care of yourself, and enjoy life. It's a gift.

Cresting the Ridge

Autumn Storm                                                                                                                                                       Catherine Al-Meten
Astoria, Oregon                                                                                                                                                                                2012

Years ago I recall sitting high atop a dusty ridge, surrounded by scrub oaks in the San Bernardino Mountains of Southern California. Many times I sat on this ridge, Ragger's Point at the YMCA's  Camp Oakes, looking out over range after range of mountains that lay before me in what seemed like an endless procession. Now, years later, I sit daily looking out across the Columbia River towards the Willapa Mountains in southwest Washington. My home is located 97 miles northwest of Portland, down the Columbia. I am located just at tidewater, where the strong Pacific sea tide meets the powerful surge of the Columbia. 
The tides, the winds, the ships and fishing vessels, the wildlife and those of us who make our homes on the river, create life on the river.  We live by the tides and changes in the weather. We watch the birds migrate north and south, then south to north. We catch sight of the whales as they migrate from the cold waters of Alaska down to the warm waters of Mexico. We await the return of the Eagles from their annual journey north, and we prepare for winter storms along with the animals who make this their home. 

Birds are active all up and down the river, as this is good fishing time. The salmon are heading out to sea, and according to local fishermen, the birds will take their fair share of the catch, leaving us with only what the fishermen bring home to market. Upriver on the Klickatat River, the tribal fishing has begun, and if this year is like other years, the cliff sides are stacked with fishing drying and lines waiting to be cast.  At Cascade Locks, and in Portland, fishers come to town to sell fresh salmon this time of year. The gillnetters go out at dawn and dusk to catch their limit on the tides. 

So spending time today struggling with technology, or spending too much time indoors right now working on some piece of writing or another, is very difficult, for what I am drawn to is the beauty and energy of this place I call home.  The wind fills me up with energy. The rain nourishes me. The changing of the seasons enlivens, and makes me melancholy as well. It is time once again, to learn to live in harmony. Time to not put too much focus on one thing to the exclusion of the other. My yoga practice and meditation, help me stay connected not only to my own physical and mental well being, but also to other people who bring laughter, energy, and joy into my life.  Living in a town where there seems to be "nothing much happening," has turned out to be like living on a volcano. This little town, sits atop thousands of years of history, and continues to be a point of creation, life, and death. Life here is full of activity, art, music, hard, back-breaking work, and community and communities.  Like all small towns, there are different groups, each creating with their friends and colleagues, insular and identity-driven connections. There are those whose families have been here for 4-5 generations who think that is a long time, and yet who have lived here only a small fraction of the time that the indigenous peoples have lived, worked, and sailed up and down the river, and fished and made their homes along the Pacific Coast. 

I came here to track down my grandmother, a member of one of the coastal tribes of Washington. At first, I tramped through graveyards, until I noticed that the cemeteries were filled with graves that only went back to the 1800s, and were not the place where the tribal people buried their dead.  I came to find her, to find out about her, and to learn more about part of my ancestry. What has happened, is I have fallen in love with life along the river, and though my search continues, I feel at home in the mud flats, near the open sea, and in the shadows of the mountains and pine forests of the Pacific Northwest. I don't need to know why I'm here, because I know it is home. Born in Portland after World War II, this has always been my heart's home.  Living her, now has given me the vision of the waters, skies, mountains, and life along the rivers, streams, and ocean  that brought my grandmother home to Gray's Harbor Washington, and led me here  to the lagoon along near the mouth of the Columbia River.  

What comes from my life in the way of art, poetry, writing, music, and photography, is in a major part, because of the identity that is forged in my blood and heritage, that seeks harmony in all forms of expression, and feels disconnected when not in harmony with those I love or with the earth where my feet walk. Writing is but a piece of who I am, though a large piece, like a quilted blanket applliqued with images of herons, hawks, eagles, geese, ducks, and brown pelicans. Sewn with the threads of memory, family, love, and grief. Hung over the doorways to hold in the heat and keep out the cold. Draped over the end of the bed, and kicked off in passion. 
Caught in the glimpse of an awakening dream, lost in a memory of times that have slipped away. 

Where we live, or at least where I live, truly helps define me and the work I do.  Not until I step away, however, can I see the overall impact and design a place has left as its mark on me and the work I do.  Not until I have moved beyond the past, do I see what is before me.  Rough roads, stormy nights, brilliant sunsets, and technicolor sunrises. Stars brilliant in the velvet black sky, and the moon and sun moving further and further south, soon to disappear over the north slope. Mountains behind me, mountains before me, and as I write, I find myself edging over yet one more ridge to see the next skyline, mountainscape, or sea to cross.