Writers' Hands: Heart Chakra Intention and Health

Twice a week I lead a meditation group, and last week we focused on our Heart Chakra, Anahata in Sanscrit.  Visualize chakras as whirling eddies of energy traveling from the base of the spine to the crown of the head. The seven main Chakras, are the main wheels/chakras of energy  nourishing, energizing, and expressing our intentions throughout our bodies and into the world around us.   The Anahata Chakra is centered in the heart,  and influences and energizes the lungs, shoulders, arms, and hands.  The palms of the hands directly connect to the energy of the heart. For those of us whose hands are our tools, we often experience a great deal of pain due to the abuse our hands take.  When I realized how closely linked our hands are to our hearts, I was stunned.  

It's not like I hadn't "known" this before; it's that I hadn't connected my physical discomfort and pain from nerve damage with my heart chakra before in quite the same way I did when I considered the pain wholistically.  Anahata is centered right behind the heart, and is considered to be the door to Divine Love and Grace.  Anahata means “unstruck, ”“ unhurt,” or “unbeaten” (as a musical instrument is unstruck, not hit violently).  

The metaphysical meaning of the heart chakra is connected to the power and focus of our intention. We use the heart to express that which we love, desire, and put our energy into. “I gave it my heart,” or “I took it to heart,” or “I want it with all my heart.”

The skeletal structure of our bodies is connected directly to our First Chakra, Muladhara (security, survival, and physical needs). Most of us use our hands to meet our first Chakra needs. When our heart chakra is out of balance, it indicates that we may be abusing our hands in order to meet our survival needs; we may have lost our connection with our desire and love for writing. When we abuse our hands through overuse,  we tend to experience shoulder, neck, arm, and hand problems, as well as  heart chakra imbalances.  The heart chakra energizes the Thymus Gland, the lungs, as well as all the muscles, joints, organs, and the skeletal system of the cardio-thoracic cavity, the neck, shoulder, arms and hands.  

Our hands, the writer's tools, are highly sensitized and are capable of creating, expressing love and tenderness, nursing, healing, and productivity.
Think of all the ways you use your hands.  Imagine holding, caressing, or touching someone you love: your baby, your lover, your parent, a friend, an animal you care for.  Think of all the ways you use your hands to express love. Then bring to mind the ways you use your hands that cause you pain.  While we use our hands to express love, tenderness, and compassion, we can also use our hands to cause pain and create distance. We also express ourselves with our hands, consciously and unconsciously.

When I sit in a spiritual counseling session with a client, I often observe their hands and arms, as this often tells me more about how they are feeling than what they are saying.  When we hold ourselves tightly, crossing our arms, we  exhibit a need to protect ourselves (often this is a sign that someone feels threatened or unsafe). If a person is wringing or clenching their hands, this gives me an indication that they are uneasy, tense, anxious, or  blocked.  Hands express a great deal, and we often use our hands quite unconsciously.  When teaching, counseling, or guiding meditations, I observe what I do with my hands as well.  When I first began taking daily, meditative walks, I  noticed myself clenching and tightening up my fists. As I began to pay more attention, I became  conscious of how I held my hands, and began to focus on releasing my hands, allowing energy to flow more freely, and for me to release, through my hands, stress, anxiety, and fears that I was holding in my hands. This actually creates a release of energy and a reduction in the feeling of stress. Sometimes, by paying attention, a thought or image will be attached to the clenching, and I can then allow that to float into my consciousness where I can notice what may be bothering or calling for my attention.  Then I can release it. It's as if a picture arises up front of me (in the form of a memory, thought, word, or idea), and then I can let it go...float away to be recalled if need, but no longer repressed or laying just below my awareness. This is what meditation helps us do. By learning to focus our attention and then consciously choose what to do with a thought, we become free to release, defer, or act upon it. A simple thing like noticing our hands and the energy in our hands, helps us maintain an awareness of how we are using our energy and how we are treating our bodies. It also enables us to be more intentional with how we treat our hands--the tools of our trade.

When we learn to tune into different parts of our bodies, we develop the ability to notice how one part of our body is connected to the other.  When our heart chakra is out of balance, we tend to overdo, overwork, and abuse our hands. As with other aspects of our healthy, when we abuse or neglect our health, we experience illness or pain. When I a young woman, I wouldn’t pay attention to my body until I got ill or I felt pain.  I have made a conscientious effort to learn as much about my body, mind, spirit, emotion, and psychological health over the last 30 or so years, as I understood that at the point of pain or illness, I had already pushed beyond my limits in a way that was not healthy.  

It’s a process, and some days and some times I do better than at other times.  However, as I have made some major changes in my life, and as I am moving into a very productive period of time, it feels even more important than ever to do what I can to protect, guard, nurture, and heal my tools; especially my hands. This is by no means an attempt to disregard all other elements of my physical, emotional, spiritual, and psychological health, for I believe that everything is interconnected. What I am focusing on is the pain  in my hands that is signaling me for attention. And I now have become more aware of the more far-reaching implications of not responding to the signals my body is sending me.

If you are a writer, then you are aware that writing is all about using your hands. I’ve attempted to give myself a break from typing by using voice-activated software, but that is not a substitute for putting pen in hand and hand to paper, or of laying my fingers across the keyboard as I am now...sending out messages in hopes of connecting to you. Writing is both a solitary, intimate experience and an intimate, connecting experience of writer to reader.  We all write to express something we feel is important, beautiful, powerful, meaningful or entertaining for someone else to read and connect to.  It flows through our fingers from our imaginations, brains, hearts, experiences, dreams, memories, and observations.  Writing flows from our love of expressing ourselves in the written word, and it is a product of our hearts. 

In Flight                                                                                            Catherine Al-Meten

Our hands are highly sensitized, and contain within them, energy connections to all other parts of the body. If you have ever used reflexology, acupuncture, or acupressure, you may be aware of some of the connections. We may understand the physical connections, but we want to pay attention to the connection between our intentions, desires, and our hands as expressed and energized through the heart chakra. 

Because we love the written word and love using it to express ourselves, we writers often find ourselves using our writing to procure those First Chakra needs for security and survival.  Because of the way our hands are physically structured, we can only use them for survival and security needs for a short time. Long term use results in abuse from overuse. I recall Dr. Taylor Rabbetz, chiropractor and sports medicine specialist,  describing how people were coming to him repeatedly expecting to have their pain relieved but refusing to understand that not only would the pain be relieved for only a short time but also that by spending far too many hours, pushing deadlines or overdoing their use of their hands, wrists, arms, backs and shoulders (not to mention their brains and hours of their lives) they would inevitably cause themselves long-term, irreversible damage.  He warned me at the time, that no amount of exercise or rehabilitation could counteract pushing a body beyond its limits.  

Whenever we do our work, regardless of what type of work we do, for the sole purpose of producing income, we do so at the peril of our own health, longevity, and overall wellbeing and happiness.  We must find ways to support, nurture, and maintain ourselves energetically.   Most of us know that our diet, habits, patterns of behavior, and relationships can play havoc on our creativity if any or all of them are out of balance. What we may want to consider, is that our real security and indeed survival is inherently linked to inner health, harmony, and wholeness. 

Our hands are connected to our hearts, and any unresolved pain, issues, or grief that we may consciously or unconsciously stored there, could be screaming through the pain in our hands, to pay attention to and resolve whatever has been left unattended. The heart chakra also has an impact on the Thymus Glad; the gland that controls and regulates our immune system. When we hold sorrow, anger, loss, or unfulfilled intentions and desires within our heart chakra, and throw ourselves into our work, using the rationale we all recognize: “But I have to get this job done,” “I can’t possibly quit my job or not do this work,” or “I’m the only one who can do this,” or “My family is counting on me; if I don’t do this, we don’t eat.”  We believe this is true, and often push ourselves over the cliff doing so. I feel fortunate that I had two different people, both strangers who knew very little about me, tell me some months ago that I was on the path to disaster with the lifestyle I was living.  One quite bluntly told me, “You’ll either get too sick to work anymore, or you’ll have an accident from being so exhausted.” It’s not like I hadn’t had a few warnings already (broken ankle, followed by a broken leg, followed by another fall--all in the space of 3 years).  The call to halt in my tracks was related to a previously undiagnosed condition related to both low thyroid and high potassium (a dangerous combination).  I didn’t even feel sick; I just felt exhausted and unable to see going one step further. So I fell over vacation, and went to see the doctor because my leg still hurt, was swollen, and I was afraid I’d broken it.  What she said was that I hadn’t given myself time to heal, and then she discovered the other problems, which both required lots of rest, reduction of stress, a complete change of diet (the healthy dietary regime I had been on was great for almost everyone, but for someone like me). I was ordered to stop, RICE (raise, ice, compress, and elevate that leg; not possible if I'm driving 20 hours a week), begin making some changes to reduce stress, change my diet (which meant I had to be eating 5-6 times a  day),  and rest, rest, rest.  I did all that, and began to feel  much better, but I continued putting myself on a strict writing schedule (thrilled as I was to finally have more time), and that’s when I realized I had not really addressed the problem completely. 

My hands have gotten worse, and two months ago when I began taking yoga daily and leading meditation groups twice a week, I realized I had neglected an entire part of my life and health. While I had exercised, I hadn’t addressed the need for greater balance in my life. That has required that I set boundaries, priorities, and limits for what I do, how much I do it, and what matters most.  

I realized I had been working through the pain, and that had to stop.  That, of course, was a metaphor for what work had come to mean to me. I had found meaning in my work as a means of escaping, soothing, and hiding pain--the emotional as well as the physical. Even though I “knew” better, I still refused to confront the message of the heart chakra as it began to close down. Prana, the energy that feeds the hands through and for creativity, has been in short supply as my heart chakra was indicating. The imbalances in different areas of my life (different chakras), came together in energy blocking my heart chakra, causing me to 

realize the struggle I was having trying to control my life. The more I pushed, grasped, struggled with survival issues and security needs, the weaker I became.  The solution to the imbalance came to me in  dream message--revival (bringing back to life). By connecting to my need to revitalize, revive, reenergize myself through more balanced practices, I have begun honoring my deepest desires and receiving greater harmony with a more balanced approach to life. As we live more intentionally, we also live with greater awareness of being present where we are.  

Our Fourth Chakra/Anahata is the point in our subtle energy body where we allow our physical energy and being to flow and unite with our upper; where as one writer put it, “the terrestrial meets the celestial.”  Heaven and Earth meet in the heart. When we become  rested, relaxed, nurtured, open, and clear about our true intentions and our connection with the Divine Creator and the Creator’s will and guidance of us in our lives, we then can begin addressing our own self care.

The first step seems to be about not just talking about developing a spiritual practice that includes nurturing, healing, and nourishing all parts of our being, but also requires specific attention to areas of imbalance.  According to the precepts of Distal Therapy,  “Many times a part of us out of sync energetically is brought back to balance by positively affecting the community that nurtures and supports it.  Work on and balance the farthest point of the energetic body which you can relate to the specific problem.”

As in all things worth doing, creating a more balanced way of living is a process, and it requires intention, attention, and time. We learn to heal by also learning new ways of living, thinking, and approaching  our self care. For those of us who are writers, our hands are our tools. Our work not only supports and provides for our needs, but also nourishes and sustains us  energetically, in body,  mind, and spirit. If we are using excuses and rationalizations for not addressing pain, unresolved issues pertaining to  self esteem, self worth,  health, and well being, and are clinging to, grasping onto, or hanging on for dear life to jobs, relationships, patterns of behavior, habits, or lifestyles that are no longer healthy, supportive, nurturing, or safe, we need to consider what it will take to bring about the necessary changes needed for survival.  

I recall one of my colleagues who had devoted her life to teaching. She had also neglected her health to the point of being asked by her doctor, “Why are you trying to kill yourself?”  That statement shocked her. She changed her diet, began exercising, and within a year, had lost a great deal of weight, and looked good the last time I saw her.  However, I never saw her again, because whatever motivated her to make some significant changes, didn’t motivate her enough to address some of the underlying causes of her great unhappiness and unwillingness to take care of herself.  She went into a depression, resumed her old habits, refused to see the point in making superficial changes, and died quite suddenly within a year of the last time I saw her.

Whatever we think our life purpose is, the call of our soul, we must use what we have in the way of the gifts of this incarnation of ours--we are spiritual beings taking a physical journey.  Some of us detach from our physicality to the point that we drag our bodies around with us. Others focus almost completely on the physical, and fail to address the spiritual, emotional, psychological parts of our being. We often vacillate or get overly focused in one area at the expense of the others. The more we can develop practices, habits, routines, patterns that equate to living more balanced lives based on our true intentions and desires, the healthier, more loving, creative, and peaceful lives we can live. Seek the true desires of your heart, and trust that you are here to have your desires fulfilled. You are the caretaker of the Temple that is your Divine home. Tend the Temple that is You, and honor your place in the Divine scheme of things...live out a destiny of receptive, loving, gracious, and generous being; leave your negative robes of martyrdom, anger, fear, frustration, and shame to inhabit a character in a novel, an image in a poem, or a point of reference. Leave it out of your life as you set intentions that are life giving, affirming, and creative.

Empty Vessels: Writing Out of Inertia

While it may not seem that I've ever actually taken a break from writing, I recently discovered other uses for dormant and blocked and  stored energy.  Over the last month, I got back into my yoga practice, and I began leading a meditation group.  Like anything, at least in my experience, I rarely walk into a meditation session or start an article without having prepared and thought about it extensively.  I'm one of those over-preparers, always with more than enough material to use with not enough time to use it.


Today I'm sitting in a coffee shop in North Beach in San Francisco, working my way through a huge Greek Salad, and my second Cafe Au Lait of the day.  As I reflect on the morning, I realize I've become my daughter.  This morning I decided at the last minute to leave with my daughter and granddaughter, so I could spend more time with them as they started their days.  Though I wasn't much motivated, it also got me started earlier than I  would have if I'd stayed at the house.  Just before I made this decision, I made myself a cup of tea. I realize now, I didn't even take sip of that tea, and I recall the years I would go into the kitchen to find a fully prepared cup of tea that my daughter had left on the counter--untouched.  When we are committed to what we're doing, we move in the direction where we can best get to it.  We might want to get to a piece of writing, or get to some research, or get to much-needed exercise. In doing so, we sometimes have to leave old ways, patterns and habits behind.


Whatever it is we want to move toward, requires that we move away from something else.  This morning, that meant moving away from a day lounging in bed, watching a movie or two, and resting from the long travel day of yesterday.  However, connection to two people who mean more to me than anyone else on the planet, moved me out of the inertia that might have taken me away from doing some pieces of work I really wanted to do. 


For the last few weeks, I've been increasing the time I've spent doing yoga and meditation, and I was concerned about getting out of the groove while I'm staying in San Francisco. Needn't have worried about that because as it happens, I have lots of opportunities provided by my daughter. In fact, she's opening me to some other opportunities that I really need right now. One of the reasons I've tried to lighten up on my writing is because of the overdoing that has caused some pain in my writing hand.  What I get to do while I'm here, is to attend a few yoga classes, a joint mobility class taught by my daughter, and a deep water aerobics class, also taught by my daughter.  And so you're probably wondering when I'm ever going to get to the point, but believe me, there is a trail I'm following here, and this is it.  


Whenever I am excited, enthused, motivated about life in general, three things happen. First of all, a part of me that has lain dormant, gets active. In my case, that means, my body/mind/spirit connection.  When I begin my meditation class, I always mention that we bring 3 tools into each meditation: our bodies, our brains, and our breath.  When we leave one or the other out of the equation, we miss the experience of having a whole experience. Sometimes people go into meditation with the goal to stop thinking. Our brains do not shut off, so it's a frustrating goal to have, and it really misses the point. Our brains are gifts in a meditation: it just depends on how we use our brains. Meditation can help us learn to channel and focus our minds, to pay attention to how our beliefs, values, ideas are congruent with our lives or not. A corollary to how the body/mind/spirit connections affect us is in our writing. When we write with no regard for our body, we may  sit at the computer day after day, hour after hour, or use our hands to write without taking breaks.  In the long run, we pay the painful and sometimes damaging price.  We do the same thing with our breath. Breathing is vital to our health, and when we work with our breath instead of against it, we can use it to energize ourselves, expand our physical health and relieve us of all types of stress.  Think about your breath right now, and notice whether or not you are holding your breath, breathing only into the upper part of your body, or actually sensing your breath and the path it takes throughout your body?  Think about where you are, and what you are breathing in. When we got out of the car today to walk my granddaughter to her Hapkido class, she took a deep breath, and said, "It's good to get outside and get this fresh air." That's one of the reasons children love to go outside. They get energized by both movement and their breath.  Maintaining a conscious, intentional practice of experiencing our body, mind, breath connection throughout the day and night, is one of the best practices we can develop to move us out of our inertia.  It think about The Artist's Way author, Julia Cameron's urging her readers to take a daily walk, and about the author of If You Want To Write, Brenda Ueland, writing about taking a daily walk of 8 miles or so...she did this when she was in her 80s.  


Right now the 80s are closer to me than they were when I was growing up and when I was developing some of my habits. The second thing that happens is that I notice or fail to notice how things have changed and I may or may not have changed or adapted to new circumstances.  As a young person, I had no real sense of what being older would mean.  I watched my grandparents and some older people's behavior and appearance, and wondered how I would ever get to that place.  Now when I think and speak in terms of decades rather than years, I realize my own perspective, my body, my mind, my beliefs, my habits, patterns, and practices, may need to undergo a tune up, review, or new direction of course. 


I've always viewed my life as a series of interlinking journeys...inner, outer, deeper, further, spiraling into different places, spaces, dimensions, roles, and connections. Expressing myself through a variety of ways, media, senses, manifestations, and expressions. These journeys are like concentric circles and spirals, sometimes centered in my own being, often centered and overlapping with others and places beyond me. In some ways and places, I have lived on the fringe. In others I have lived disconnected or connected.  It's always been apparent to me that all humans are complicated, more than they may appear to be, and for the most part, we get to know each other only slightly less than we get to know ourselves.  We all have perspectives that make it impossible to know ourselves completely, let alone really know and understand anyone else. But the amazing thing about many of us, is we keep trying. At this point in life, I feel myself moving and transforming into a wholly new identity...feeling the necessity of letting some things go in order to move into the next stage of life...toward what is most important and than is developing the messages and means of communicating those perceptions, images, and ideas about beauty, life, love, and the Sacred, and our beautiful and often painful journeys to fulfill our Divine Destiny. 


Thought some people do, I really don't think most people walk around saying to themselves, "what am I doing to bring me closer to my Divine Destiny today?" however, whether we are conscious and aware or not,it seems we each seek something beyond ourselves, and it seems many of us feel called to express some truth of our being, the life we observe, or the actions we feel we want to encourage in others. Everyone on the planet is still, at this moment, capable of moving more intentionally toward some unfulfilled desire, dream, or destiny. As long as we are breathing, we can still choose to move beyond our inertia, and move more consciously toward connecting to others, creating or acting for the greater good of all, or allowing ourselves to be more appreciative of the gifts of life we still have.


So how do we know when the journey changes? I have discovered my own children and grandchildren are the voices that speak most clearly and directly to  my heart. I hear from them what I cannot hear or understand in any other way. They give me the connection to the passage of time...unlike the connections and communication I get from friends, the reflecting mirrors of my own, call my attention to how I am perceived, and remind me of any part of my unfinished life I still need to pay attention to.  My friends remind me of the healing and transformation I may have struggled through, and by design, what gifts and experiences have helped define me.  


Regardless of how clear the messages are, the stillness of my heart and the depth and certainty I have  of my own soul connections completes the trilogy that moves me. The third element that is so strong and necessary for keeping me moving beyond the inertia, fears, idleness, or stagnate perceptions is that intuitive knowing that comes from both within and without.  It is the ineffable vastness and greatness of all that is, that moves me even when I have no desire to go forth. It is that which I cannot describe, but know without a doubt is that which guides, guards, directs, and impels me.  The more I listen to the inner knowledge and attempt to understand the messages delivered to my doorstep, the less there is a disconnection of body/mind/spirit  and the more there is congruence, serendipity, and peace alive on the journey. 

Receiving the Light                                                                                                                                           Catherine Al-Meten

Empty vessels signal space, openness, and willingness to receive the energy, light, and creative spirit that fills us up, sometimes silently and on a whisper; sometimes violently and through great chaos--to take on our part in the creative adventure of Creation. We fulfill our part in the unveiling and revelation we  pour out through a life well-lived. Receive the light of your being, and share it where it can light up some part of the world.

Digging

Brightly Shining in the Garden                                                                                                                   Catherine Al-Meten

It's not everyone who is fortunate enough to have a cousin/sister who is kind enough to let you store boxes in her basement for, let's just say, a long time. I first put nearly all my worldly possessions in her basement years ago when I was starting a new job on the East Coast. Nearly two years ago, I moved back to Oregon, and set up my home here in Astoria. Slowly but surely my cousin Sandra and I have been hauling things from the basement to my apartment. We're now down to boxes, which primarily means, I spend time sorting through papers and books, trying to decide what is worth keeping and what needs to be recycled or given away. 

Last night I got a call from her, asking if I'd like to go garage sailing with her. I'm not big into sales of any kind, but I like to be with her, so this morning we headed out. We stopped along the way to pick up her oldest daughter, Sarah, and the three of us headed for Starbucks for a cup of coffee and then to Freddy's garden section. I picked up some herbs and vegetable starters, and they selected some planters and plants to spruce up my cousin's backyard. We all headed back to her home to grab a quick bite to eat, and then I began hauling the terra cotta planters that I'd stored years ago, into my car. I decided, while I was there, I'd go through a box or two in the garage. And that's when I discovered something that my intuition had been signaling to investigate.

For the last week, I've been compiling the poetry I've been writing over the years.  In November, I'm going to do a poetry reading with my friend, Robert Neilson for the Monterey Bay Poetry Consortium, and I wanted to have a small collection of my poems published and bound for the occasion.  It's been quite a journey collecting poetry from over 4-5 decades. Poetry has been a part of my writing repertoire for as long as I can remember.  

Unlike some of  my poet friends who seem to spend time writing poetry daily, I write poetry in response to events about which I feel are beyond verbal expression.  Times when words seem to be full of too much noise or too little authentic sentiment. Times when I am struck by something deep that can't be spoken of openly or is beyond feeling. Times when I've been called upon to use words for a sacred occasion, or times when the writing I have been doing is so full too much raw data, academic structure, or profound and heavy ideas and concepts.  When the journey of writing has culminated in the completion of  months or years of work, I seek refuge and expression of feeling in and through poetry.  When the day has been too full, and the nights have been too long and lonely, I find connection in poetry.

All week as I've been rereading and sorting through some of my most recent poetry, I think of poems I wrote long ago. Have you ever had the experience of having a favorite piece of clothing that you've lost track of...maybe a hat, a dress, a handwoven shawl, or a special pair of earrings, a sweatshirt you got from your Dad or your husband?  Maybe because I've moved often and made it a habit to give away clothes on a regular basis, I don't usually attach much importance or sentimentality to pieces of clothing. But ever once in a while, I wonder, "Where did that shawl go?", "What happened to that beautiful pink dress I got in Paris?" or "What did I do with that box of clothes I bought for my husband at the end of the invasion of Kuwait?"  It's not so much I want the item of clothing as it is, I wonder about what might have happened to have made me lose track of parts of my life that had had  such poignant and passionate meaning to me. The shawl, was a goodbye gift from a man I loved long ago; guess he thought I'd need it to keep myself warm once he left. The dress was beautiful, a gift from a friend, and fit me better than anything I've ever worn before or since. If I could have one dress for all my life, it would be that one. 

I also ask the question about pieces of writing I have done in the past, and for the past week I have been having a niggling sensation that some of the poetry I was looking for was stored in that basement at my cousin's.    Today after dragging the terra-cotta pots out of the yard and then putting them in my car, I went down into the basement and began sorting through boxes and papers.  One has to be in the right frame of mind to just throw things away willy-nilly.  Especially for  those of us who love to write, the idea of throwing away paper without first looking at it, just seems almost impossible.   Thanks to the graciousness of my cousin, I have not been hurried through this process.  Today  as I was searching through folders and files and notebooks and journals, I made some wonderful discoveries.   

This will mean something to those of you who sometimes feel like you do not have anything to say or write about or that you will never have another brilliant idea as long as you live.  What I discovered today in the basement (what would Jung or Freud make of that?)   was not only  a great deal of poetry I was looking for, but also collections of dreams and symbols, essays, speeches and presentations, lectures, a couple of eulogies, and even wedding ceremonies-- all pieces of writing that I have done in the past and that were waiting for me to revisit  before deciding what to do with them. 

For nearly 20 years I have been keeping a daily dream and morning pages journal.   While most of what is in a journal of this type is not something I have ever want to see the light of day, I have valued the dream work that I have done over the years.  I make a point with my dream journals to review them monthly, quarterly, and yearly.  Periodically, I will write up the dreams just to give myself a written record and to follow and study the interaction between my subconscious, the unconscious, and the life I live and often those around me.  At this particular point in my life, I am bringing many things together.  Compiling my poetry, recording and compiling my lectures, and studying my dreams to see what kinds of material they may give me for another piece or two of work.   And sitting on my desk right now is a file filled with handwritten poetry that needs to be edited then transcribed to become part of the poetry of my life.

Also sitting on my desk is a compilation of  a lot of the very personal and essential work that I did when I was a seminarian. The wonderful seminary that I attended, the San Francisco Theological Seminary located in the hills of San Anselmo just north of San Francisco, is  one of the founding institutions of the Graduate Theological Union. SFTS  required that we students   do a deep, thorough, introspective, reflective, and honest exploration of ourselves, our theology, and our divine calling.   Unlike some who studied for a doctorate and felt it a waste of time, I believe my seminary experience was a life defining, profoundly  meaningful, and  significant turning point in my life.  That experience coupled with my experiences at Marylhurst University  where I studied spiritual traditions and ethics and applied theology, were seminal experiences that have allowed my  innermost being to rise up and touch and affect the way I look at everything,  the way I understand my life. It all has  allowed me to grasp the reality  that there are an infinite number of opportunities  for us to live a purposeful and meaningful lives. 

As I read over some of the essays, reflections, poetry, and other writing of that period of time,  I realize what I see before me are the seasons and passages of time.   What once I viewed as  random, unverifiable dreams and intuition have come clear, concrete, and surprising revelations, manifestations, experiences, events, and relationships.   While we may  never know what the future holds for us, we can be sure (at least from my perspective) that the seeds of our future are planted and recognizable through our dreams,  desires, intentions, and plans. More importantly, nothing is more important  than  our willingness to take risks, to take action, and to not give up on the truth of who we are. What we believe and understand may change over time,  but I think we're all guided to use our abilities, talents, and gifts and to take the steps needed to  live the best life we can.  


What I found today  in the basement were pieces of the trail and parts of me that led me to the person I am today.  Some of the pieces I can let go of--like knowledge of what happened to the dress or the shawl.  Other pieces of the past, I carry with me-- like a box of new clothes, the shaving kit, and  a fresh box of See's candy my husband.  What I do with what I found and kept, will be something to discover at some time in the future.   

Watching Over the Garden                                                                          Catherine Al-Meten

Our lives are full  of memories dreams and reflections to pull out and use in creating beauty through our art, through our work, in the way we treat ourselves and other people, and in what we choose to put our intentions and energy toward.

So now as I pot the plants, the herbs the vegetables in my terra cotta garden, I do so as I do much in life, hope for the best, set the intention to care for the seeds and plants, and trust that something good will grow from my efforts.  The miracle is, that it and we happens at all. What a blessing our lives are. How fortunate we are to have the gifts and abundance we do. How grateful I am. Amen

Inappropriate Behavior: Writing material in the absurdities of life

When I was young, I would laugh at all the wrong times.  It got to be very embarrassing.  For instance, when a friend told me another friend had died, my response was to smile. Not the kind of reaction you might have expected.   My inappropriate smiling and laughter  wasn't usually  about such  extreme situations,  but I was  really uncomfortable.    I remember a friend  trying to explain my behavior to someone else, “Oh  she always does that. She doesn't mean it.”

It seems like many artists and writers  look at  life through a lens that is just slightly askew.    While there are many things in life that we can control, our emotional reactions are generally not included, at least not until we learn to suppress and control ourselves.  That's another story for a different day. However,  some emotional responses like crying and laughing, if they are from our innermost being,  occur spontaneously even if we have tried to suppress our feelings..  What makes us laugh or cry depends upon some pretty mysterious  and inexplicable natural responses.    I do not even pretend to know or understand why I laugh why I do not cry very much.  What I do understand  and what I am writing about today is just how much some things strike me as both absurd and funny.  

If I were to look into this further  or maybe go into therapy for the next 20 years, I might discover that there is some deep dark  reason that I tend to laugh when others cry.  Perhaps laughter is another form of tears, who knows.  I cry often enough to know that I definitely feel differently when I am crying than  when I am laughing.    Laughing and crying are not  the same  for me.    

How did I get on the subject of crying and laughing, well I will tell you.  Like many of my friends and fellow writers I while away at least a few minutes every day perusing Facebook's  stream of messages.    Once in a while I find something that really tickles my fancy.  Today was one of those days.  I can count them on one hand, the days that is, when something makes me laugh so hard.    Today's comic relief came in the form of a photograph of Glenda,  the Good Witch dressed in her pink fairy gown,  crown on her head and a magic wand in her hand, saying:    "You know dear,  Karma's  only a bitch when you are."     It struck me as so funny and touched me in such a way that I was reminded of  other times when laughter at the absurdity of life, and particularly my own, was just something I had to laugh about.  

Writers and artists spend a lot of time searching.  We search for inspiration.  We search for the right words.  We search for the right frame or the right colors or the right mediums to express ourselves.    Often times we struggle for months and years, day after day on projects which we hope will ring true  both to ourselves and to those for whom we create our work.    Today I was reminded that just below the surface,  waiting to come forward,  are feelings connected to thoughts and thoughts  connected to images that promise to connect us through our work to others.    

Many of us are full of ideas.  Some of those ideas will just pass away and never manifest into anything.   Other ideas will be developed and will turn into some expression or other.  Maybe we will call it a poem or a masterpiece.  Perhaps it will come out in some design or solution, in some invention or product, but whatever we choose to do consciously, I think we are graced with something more valuable than all the best ideas in the world. We are each given the gift of spontaneity, laughter, humor, and lightness of being.  Even in and after the most depressing or morally degrading experiences, despite the horrors and suffering we might have experienced or witnessed,   we have within us the seeds of release, relief, and healing.

 Today  after I saw the photograph of  Glenda the Good Witch with her witty comment, other experiences flooded into my memory. I was reminded of other times when I'd felt so good.  I recall being tickled with the Taco Bell Chihuahuas.    In case you are not familiar with  the Taco Bell  Chihuahuas,  they were an advertising gimmick used by Taco Bell in the late 1980s and early 1990s.   They were  not very politically correct but they were sure cute.  Those toys were closest to  a  dog that I was going to get.  They each talked a little bit,  required no cleanup or feeding, and were small enough to put in my purse.    At the time, I was living in Claremont, working at the Claremont colleges, and living through one of the most upsetting and depressing times of my life.    My husband had been caught up in the early stages of what has now become a protracted and seemingly never-ending set of wars in the Middle East.    I had had a miscarriage, had just lost my Mother, had been suffering through a long separation from my husband, was trying to raise my  college-aged daughter  and help her through her struggles. I had just lost one job and was starting a new job.   In the middle of all this, my husband's country was invaded while he was there and a whole new cycle of sorrow, not knowing, and feeling incapable of helping anyone, including myself, began.   

Needless to say it was during that  time when anything that could go wrong did go, or so it seemed.    It was during that time that the  Taco Bell Chihauhaus came into my life.  I laughed, for the first time in ages, and felt emotions move within me after a long period of time of holding myself together and trying to deal with life and maintain my relationships, do my job, and keep my sanity. What I found was that in order to do any of those things, particularly the sanity bit, I had to lose it!  And maybe that's it.  It may be that in order to take steps forward or move on or find our way or discover the truth, we have to just let go.  We have to let go of thinking we understand what is going on in life.  We have to let go of holding on for dear life thinking as we seem to be losing  control of  our lives. We  will all fall apart.  Our lives will fall apart  despite what we do or do not do.  

For that is the nature of life.  Life is dynamic.  Our work is dynamic.  What brings us joy and pleasure and fulfillment at one point changes and requires that we move on,  move over,  and get out of our own way later on.   Finding ourselves in the blinding  'aha' moments or epiphanies that some like St. Paul or the Prophets of old experienced, may be one way we figure out life.  Getting lost or sidetracked maybe another.  Losing everything that matters or suffering  through extreme  boredom and meaninglessness may be another way. But do not be surprised if your inspiration and vision of the future does not also come to you in some absurd and silly way.  

The great Thomas Merton talked about finding enlightenment in the streets of the city in Asia where he saw  the wind pick up a plastic bag and swirl it in an eddy of air currents.  Gautauma, in his search for meaning and enlightenment,  found his enlightenment  at the end of the search, exhausted and probably a little disappointed,  sitting under a tree one night.   Christ Jesus had his share of trials, and probably wondered at the end if anyone had heard what he had to say. I don't think he got paid for his gig either. I do not pretend to speak for Gautama the Buddha or Jesus or in fact anyone else. However,  I do know something about searching and finding. Answers are always before and around us.   We however are not necessarily receptive, ready,  or willing to receive and understand what is right before us.    In my case, I am often not ready or able to even ask the questions I want answered let one alone receive answers.    When the time is right, not only will the teacher appear  in some form or another (maybe even the mirror),  but also the way will open from within or you will have no doubt or fear  what the next step is to be.

 A few years ago in San Francisco when my doctor and Soul Friend, Dr. Taylor Rabbetz  was helping me with some healing and health issues, he was doing some work on my Soaz muscle.    This muscle is in the hip region and is a crucial part of connecting the upper and lower body.  For those who sit a lot like writers, this muscle sometimes does not get the right kind of exercise or movement. Like all parts of our body,  our muscles retain memory and store the sum total of our experiences and emotional responses in them.    If you have ever had acupuncture, acupressure, chiropractic or other body work, you are aware of how one part of the body is inherently connected to other parts.  And our emotional body, psychological body, spiritual body, ethereal body,  and all aspects of our physical body interact and are affected by one another.    We are also strongly affected by all elements of the people we are involved with and their healed and unhealed bodies.    Another reason to use discernment, discretion and common sense when developing relationships and dealing with people.

Well to get back to the table where I was being warned by Dr. Rabbetz  that "You might and probably will have  a  deep emotional response to the work being done."  He warned me that often patients are affected by this work that they cry from deep seated pain, grief, and other emotions.     I tried to prepare myself for that mentally,  and  and hoped that it would help in whatever I needed to experience.  What actually happened was that I began laughing.  I laughed and laughed and laughed.  I could not stop myself.    Another one of those inappropriate responses, but believe me when I tell you it made me feel great.  Another one of those responses to life's pain, grief, and trauma that was just slightly off from the norm.

Whatever it takes for us to write, to create art, to dedicate our lives to living fully, artistically, freely, happily, I say we embrace the way we most naturally receive love, inspiration, and the determination so authentic and divinely inspired lives.  

One Pigeon Said to Another Pigeon....                                                                                        by Catherine Al-Meten, 2012

If we do see life slightly askew, so be it.   If we think we have nothing to offer or that we are just repeating what others have already done, we need to look a little closer.  We need to appreciate  the idiosyncrasies, the quirky gifts, and that just slightly out of whack way we look at and approach life.  We need to stop trying to be so normal and just allow ourselves to be who we are.  Channel the drama of your life into your work and your art.  As Julia Cameron says keep it on the canvas or in the script or between the book covers.   As I told my granddaughter Lola, “life is like a big juicy ripe peach  meant for us to bite into,  savour and let the juice of it run down our chin."   We already know life has its ups and downs.  We already understand some things are a struggle.  What we do not always know is that we are always capable of being surprised in  very wonderfully pleasant and happy ways.  Expect the unexpected.  Savour each moment,  and let the laughter arise from within.    And if you're not sure about what life is like, stand on your head or tilt it at an angle, and look at it from a different side...literally and metaphorically speaking.

Moving Write Along: Right or Write?

I started this blog to get some of my ideas out of my head and to stop just getting drenched in emotions or hung up in fears about whether or not I was doing the right thing in the right place or not? Writing can end up being about searching for "the Right"...just the right word, just the right idea, just the right place to write, just the right time, and just the right audience.  If this smacks of perfectionism to you, I'd say, you're...what's that word? "Right!"

While many of us writers think our blocks and lulls are caused by fear, I wonder if much of the procrastination, distraction, and crisis-detracting activities (like clearing clutter, escaping in search of rest or retreat, burying ourselves in the minutia of daily life or our best friend's latest crisis) isn't really about our desire to get it right? A new form of distraction has arisen over the last few years, and that has come in the form of blogs and online social networks (somewhat like this) filled with ideas on how to get it right. Despite the fact that many of us have already spent years on the job, proving ourselves experts in some field or another, perfecting our craft, and taking our first steps in declaring ourselves writers, we seem to think that someone else has the answer for us. The just right advice or suggestion, the just right program or class, or the just right book or webinar that will unlock the key to the magic of our writing career.  We are willing to pay, not only financially but also in time and energy, to discover what someone else has found that we have overlooked.  

This is not to say that there aren't some great ideas and good programs, books, classes full of the best advice in the world. What we need to determine for ourselves as freelance writers is this: Is being right about our writing and our career as a writer, about being right from the get go or are we missing the boat? For anyone who has ever been successful in academia, in a trade, in a role, or in anything at all, you will probably remember that you moved forward by taking risks, by looking for opportunities, by taking chances, and by following your best instincts. Think about the one thing in your life you are proud of.  I would have to say, having a child was the big step that has changed my life.  My decision was made in the dark of knowing almost nothing about what would make me a good mother or not.  I had a good mother, and that was one thing going for me, though my mother and I were nothing alike. I have moved through various stages of mothering, and have learned as I've gone along.  When I was determining whether or not to become a mother/to have a child, I was trying to figure out (ahead of time) how I'd be able to handle my child when she was a teenager. I recall this part of the decision because I was with my friend Lois at the beach. Lois was a good friend who was about 15 years older than I. She had suffered through the loss of her mother and two of her children who all had Cystic Fibrosis. When I was trying to figure out whether or not be become a mother, Lois was dealing with the loss and grief of two children lost to her before ever having the chance to live.  

At the beach one day, as I was debating about being a mother, she turned to me and reminded me that, "You deal with a child one day at a time. You will have many years to get ready for what happens when they become teenagers." While I wasn't a very young mother, I was a very naive one.  I knew nothing, at that point, about loss and grief, or about the mystery of life that makes it impossible for us to be prepared for what might happen in the future. None of us knows what lies ahead, but we do have control and power over what we do with the time and resources that lay before us today. Years have passed since that day on the beach, and my own relationship with my daughter and granddaughter remain key elements of what brings me fulfillment. However, I have learned in most areas of my life, I'm good at some things, not so good at others, and it is best for me if I put my energy into the areas I'm best prepared for, into the work that allows me to express my creativity and knowledge, and into the projects and goals that allow me to feel nourished, fulfilled, and successful. We measure success in  our lives in truly personal ways, so I won't even attempt to define what that means to me.  

What I do know is that I am a writer, and I am expressing myself through a wide variety of projects and in a diverse number of ways.  My writing has established me as a writer, has earned for me, acknowledgement in my field of theology, in poetry, in journalism, in comparative religions and spirituality, in essays, and through my blogs. I blog about what I'm interested and knowledgeable about including, astrology and spirituality, writing and photography, history and narrative, and healing and psychological development. 

My writing combined with my photography, provide me with two ways to express myself. If I keep my work to myself, I fail to take the necessary risks that will allow my work to be read and viewed by others. What matters so much to me, fails to reach anyone else. If it didn't matter to me what others thought, I probably would be content to write and do photography alone in a cave somewhere, but that's not the point of my life. My life is about communicating beauty, expressing ideas about peace, understanding, and the Divine, and about urging others to find their own path of creative expression. That means it's necessary for me to act, to do, to be, and to take the chance that I might not do things in exactly the right way or might not always be right, but I'm not a righter, I'm a writer. Throwing off the mantle of having to be right, and instead proclaiming my right to be the best writer I can be. 

Past is Prologue

"The past is prologue."  I recall seeing the quotation when I was a young woman, and have thought of it often primarily in relation to history, the passage of time, and the stories we call our lives. Today, however, it takes on a wholly new meaning for me. The past we have already lived and created, becomes the present when we rediscover and bring it up to date with our new work, in new stages of our experience, and in the art we continue to create.

Reflections and Shadows

This morning I am sitting in the computer room at Tel Hi (short for Telegraph Hill Neighborhood Community Center). This wonderful gathering place, in the middle of the North Beach area of San Francisco serves people of all ages, and is where I  have spent some very nice time over the last three weeks. Today I’m spending the morning here, working on a book I’ve been writing for quite a while. The book grew out of a much larger project, my doctoral dissertation.  Unlike many people who get their doctorates and set their dissertations aside, I did the research and wrote my dissertation on a subject (actually many subjects) very near and dear to my heart. There is probably enough material in that single piece of work to last me several lifetimes.  It’s full of ideas that would make for interesting parts of other projects.

What I am currently rereading is a piece I wrote in the dissertation, that I want to use for another book.  Due to the academic nature of the dissertation, I was worried it might need to be rewritten to make the subjects and themes more accessible.  For a while, I have put off tackling this project. Today, I pulled a little silver and blue stick out of my computer bag, and plugged the thumb drive into my laptop.  It had been so long since I’d used it, that I wasn’t even sure what I would find on the drive.  What I found was a wealth of information, including my dissertation.  At home I have paper copies, but don’t drag them around with me, though I love to use a paper copy when I’m editing or reading for pleasure. Today though, I was tickled pink to find that all the time and effort my advisor, Mary Caygill and I had spent making sure the final editing was as close to perfect as possible, had resulted in a fairly easy-to-read, and interesting piece of work. 

One of the things I learned from my own academic experiences, and from those of the many students who I have taught and advised over the years, is the value of saving our work.  Even with very young children, I have encouraged people to save the most important work they do for you can never tell how it will come in handy in the future. For those of us who love to study, research, and write, old essays, reports, articles, and papers are like a treasure chest of ideas and inspiration.  If done well, these same papers can also provide us with a ready made list of resources and references from which to begin a new piece of work or report.  Rather than having to “reinvent the wheel,” our old writing helps us by providing what writers call, prompts. 

Now that we have digitalized so much information, it is easier to maintain a good record of our past work.  Even if we had not done work on a computer, we can scan old papers, books, articles, and even photographs to be used for future projects.  So today, I’m delighted because I now have no real excuses for putting off the actual writing of this book.  The book will include photography and interviews, folklore and poetry, but it will also include the sound research I have done on the inidgenous peoples of the Pacific Northwest.  For years I have been gathering ideas, lore, stories, photographs, and an understanding of this river and her peoples. Now my work in coming together into the manifestation of a vision I have had for a long while. Everything in its own time. For those who know the research process, we sometimes wonder if we will ever get to the point where there is enough.  Usually there is more than enough, but what we “get to” is the point where we can see the path leading us to a destination that has a particular look to it. Today, I have had the vision come to life before me in some work that first set me off on this journey.

When I began this piece, I had been studying, researching, and writing for a good four years, and was exhausted from being tied to the piece I had been working on.  All I wanted to do was get outside and be on the rivers, and walk the trails along the streams I had been writing about. So that’s what I did, and from that need to get outside and to explore, I began seeing the rivers, streams, ocean, and water communities from a different perspective than I ever had before.

Somewhat serendipitously, I ended up living alongside the River, near its mouth.  For nearly two years I have watched the river flow, the tides coming in and out, and come to understand life on the river just a little more than I had before.  The call to get on with the book about the rivers grows each day, and when I am away from Ni’chi a wana, the Great River, as I have been for the last few weeks, the call to be beside her grows even stronger.  The call to chronicle and capture the present experience and beauty of the rivers and her people beckons me to push on and to push back against the endless stream of preparing and waiting. Now the time is coming to move back into the mid channel of this writing process, and move on down towards it’s completion.  As I come near the completion of one project, I find finishing something has prepared me to complete the larger, more complex task of reworking and writing this next book.

For those who seem to be mid-stream or drifting without a clear course or destination, consider what in front of you can be completed with relative ease. When I wondered where to begin tackling the larger project of the rivers book, I felt stymied. That’s when I looked at smaller projects that had been waiting for my attention, and I began working on them. Finishing pieces that were already done. Gathering essays and poems that were already completed. Organizing lectures given many times, into a cohesive piece of work on topics I know well.  Collecting all the recipes I have gathered, and writing short, weekly articles on a regular basis...all these acts have given me the discipline, sense of completion, and energy and impetus to complete the larger work now. 

Large projects like dissertations, theses, or books often sap us of our energy for a time.  We need time to rest, recuperate, and refill our creative reserves before we are ready to move into another large project.  Today I seemed to come around a corner with a major piece of work, and feel relieved and happy because I recognize the feeling that what lies ahead has some clear lines of demarcation. I can see the path ahead, and now know more clearly what the next best steps are.

Coasting Along: A Writer's Journey: Writing on the Road

Coasting Along: A Writer's Journey: Writing on the Road: Sitting in cafes, juggling a computer on a strange bed, or looking for an internet connection that works and is in a quiet spot....all aspec...